If I had to extend my time in the office I would make sure that I’d call up and check on my kids if they were okay, they’re usually fine… until last night, I had the shock of my life when my son, my beloved little son answered the phone telling me that he can’t walk, “Mom, I can't walk, my foot got stuck in the bike, huhuhu…” my heart bled. Just last week when we had to leave Balong all by himself in the house for an hour (believe me we had no choice), I nearly cried when he told me over the phone that he’s afraid the big bad wolf might come and eat him just like the wolf did to the pigs. So you can imagine the shock and hurt I felt when he told me he couldn’t walk. I wanted to fly home but I had to finish my deadlines! I am such a bad mother!

When I got home, he cried the minute he saw me walking towards him, he was sitting on the floor, he couldn’t stand up, his right ankle was wounded, swollen and bruised. He hugged me so tight, it felt like he didn't want to let go, he must have felt safe in my arms.

He could not sleep last night, he kept on crying, it was heartbreaking, there was nothing I could do, I can only look at him and hold his hand. So painful, it felt like I’ve been stabbed in the chest over and over again. I cried so many times, it’s so hard to watch your child suffer knowing that you can’t do anything to take the pain away. Even Gillian cried when he saw his brother limping like a wounded rabbit. My husband was holding back his tears, he was hurt, too, but he didn’t want to show it to his kids, I’m not sure if it was right, but he felt like he should be strong in front of them, I didn’t think it was right, to be honest, I think parents should also show what they’re feeling to their kids but I’ll deal with it later, Balong needs tender, loving, care right now. But if anything, I still feel thankful that it’s the only injury he suffered, it could’ve been much worse, my son is alive, he’s with us, safe in my arms.

Thank God!!!

I Heart Gary, I Really Do!

What a lovely, sexy song this is! "Some Surprise" by The Cake Sale featuring Gary Lightbody and Lisa Hannigan.

I heart Gary, I really do. *sigh*

He got to interview Dan Rather Not and Walter Cranky, so cute and so adorkable of him. I can't wait to watch it but it won't be shown until September of next year. (in the US not here, damn!)

What a bummer!

special thanks to storm0611 for the wonderful screencaps

This article (part of it) from Rolling Stones got me laughing so hard I nearly fell off my chair. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are the cover of their latest issue, here's a part of their interview:



Your show has thrived during the Bush administration. Will you miss it?

STEWART: I remember people used to say, "What are you gonna do when Clinton leaves?" And I'd say, "I'm really OK not having to make another intern blow-job joke in my life." And it'll be the same with these guys. I'd much prefer these guys to leave than to have to continue to make Lord Vader jokes about Cheney. I have great faith in institutional absurdity.

But wouldn't, say, a President Obama be harder to make fun of than these guys?

STEWART: Are you kidding?

COLBERT and STEWART in unison: His dad was a goat-herder!


If you're watching TDS regularly you'll know what I'm talking about. If not, you're missing a lot. Really!


If there's one thing I learned from the show, it's ... "In the old country, the most important thing was to keep the goats happy..."

Today
The sky is gray, stripped of all its color and life. The usually bright blue, yellow orange and even lavender sky that greets me every morning is hiding somewhere behind the gray and dark clouds.

Weeks Ago
I was floating in water not giving a damn where I’d end up, just floating carelessly, not a light in sight, just darkness. The sky was bursting with colors but I saw only black and gray.

Today
The sky is literally black and gray, it’s like watching them in a black and white TV but I see glorious colors in bright blue, orange and yellow, I feel hopeful and looking forward to the next day if God will still allow me to live and see it.

I’ve never felt more alive and thankful for this life. A life full of trials and suffering but trials and sufferings make life interesting, I know that now. I feel like a secret door in my heart’s been opened and now I see everything. I wish to God I keep this feeling with me forever, the feeling of hope.

From Howie to Rod

Last monday night, I stayed up late as in really, really late to watch TV. It's was holiday the following day so I didn't have to worry about waking up early. I even told my husband that I'd watch TV 'til 5 a.m. I was flipping channels when I chanced upon a local show, I-Witness, it's been ages since I last watched it so I thought I'd stay and wait on what they had to offer. The report/docu that evening or morning was about funny Filipino names, I thought it was interesting and something I can definitely relate to so I stayed and watched, oh, who am I kidding? I stayed and watched because of the presentor, Howie Severino.
???

Okay... I've got another confession to make, I used to watch Saksi because of Howie, his segment, Sidetrip, is the 2nd reason. He reminds me of Rod Nepomuceno. Well, they don't really look alike but in some strange way, Howie reminds me of Rod Who is Rod Nepomuceno you ask? Well, I used to have a major crush on him, until I discovered Anderson Cooper, of course. Come to think of it, I've forgotten everyone because of Anderson.

Rod is a lawyer and has a column on Philippine Star called It's A Wonderful Life and he is also the Corporate Affairs Director for MTV Philippines. But I knew Rod when he was still an anchor for a news program on channel 4, I was still in college then. I even went to the millennium celebration on Ayala Avenue not because I like to party but because Rod was hosting it, I wanted to see him upclose. I was heartbroken when he got married… NOT!

He's funny, smart and sweet, I e-mailed him one time about his article and he emailed me back! He told me he'd print my email, put it on a frame and hang it on his wall because of something I said to him. He's a good guy.

I can't believe I've forgotten all these little details in my past. It's feels so weird right now, all those memories are coming back, all these hidden somewhere in my brain were unlocked because of Howie.

Most of my friends knew of my Rod obsession but I don't think I told anyone about Howie, though. I don't even know why I'm so embarrassed to admit it. Hay naku!

i miss anderson :(

Anderson is on vacation this week, I was told. To get my mind off of him I browsed the internet not particularly looking for anything when I found this:

This, of course is Gary Lightbody, lead vocalist and songwriter for Snow Patrol (i've got a bit of a crush on him).

Doesn't it remind you of this:

Anderson is haunting me, haha!!!

My oldself is back, I think. I thought about what's been bothering me that rendered me unable to communicate what I felt. I did cry when no one's around and prayed a lot, too. The good news is that I'm feeling better now but the bad news news I still haven't told anyone about what really bothered me, I hinted a few to my closest friends but I didn't really tell what's going on. I think I'm okay now. I just hope it doesn't come back to haunt me anytime soon. I know trials and tribulations will forever follow me and I hope to God to give strength and help me keep my faith.

I ignored and pushed it aside. It didn't work. I tried to spend more time in the office and less at home. Failed. I didn't speak to anyone, I didn't even let my friends feel that something is eating me up. I tried so hard to act like everything was fine, nothing was wrong. I was sleeping a lot. Wishing that when I wake up, I'd feel better.

None of it worked but I couldn't force myself to open up and talk about it openly.

Think of it, I dared not. Acknowledging it was the least thing I wanted to do. Every time I give it a shot... it knocks me cold, it angers me and then I go numb.

It's something that I hold sacred. It's something that I thought I'd feel forever. Something that will assure me that will never change. God knows I'm afraid of changes. I hate changes. I like things the way they are. But lately, change is the only thing that's happening to me. And this change is happening inside of me. I wanted so much to keep it locked inside... forever. I should have a control over it but it has a mind of it's own, it's running... flying... away from me and I can't keep up. It's leaving me, please comeback!

It's Beginning to Get to Me

I need to feel breathless with love


And not collapse under its weight


I'm gasping for the air to fill


My lungs with everything I've lost

I'm a bit upset today, I'm not sure why. All I know is that so many things are going on with my life right now and I have not told a soul about it yet, my husband included. I don't know what came over me but I just don't feel like telling anyone... just for the time being.

This not me, I usually tell somebody about what's going on with me, heck, I write it in my blog, so I guess, I tell everyone. But this time I'm keeping things to myself.

Everything looks normal on the outside but inside... I'm drowning... but I don't want anyone's help.

I'm screaming... silently. I wish to escape...

I want to live inside my head for a while...

Gary!

Gary is still on my mind... I can't get him out of there ever since that dream. I feel like I'm wasting time chasing Gary in my mind. I love, love their band since I heard the song "Chocolate" from their album Final Straw. They're just super, great songs and nice band name, hehe...

Last night I tried to crack open the reason why I seem to be going crazy over him this past few days, it can't be about the dream, it's just too ridiculous but then again... I am ridiculous most of the time, so... that explains a lot.

But really, why? He is skinny just like Anderson so that explains a whole lot but arguably not as goodlooking! I mean, I think his nose is too big for his face and you really need to find a right angle to show his cuteness. But kidding aside... I must have liked him before but I was so busy obssessing over Anderson so I didn't bother to notice him. I've always been drawn to him I think. It might have been the reason why I like watching the video of Chocolate so much, there's something about him, he is pulling me... but I try to resist him conciously, and my dream made me realize how much I fancy him.Okay, I need to confess something, I like skinny guys, sure! but I am also attracted to writers. I love men who can communicate through words, I like men who play with words. And Gary is a damn good songwriter. Oh, I believe I have not mention yet that I used to be obsessed with Sting and Jim Morrison, poets and writers they sure are.

I guess, I got me a new obsession... aside from Anderson, of course.

I Fancy You Now

I had the weirdest dream last night, in my dream I was back in college and I was classmates with Gary Lightbody! I wasn’t even thinking about him, I listen to him almost everyday but I don’t think of him. Sometimes I get the weirdest dream you can imagine. But I must admit, he is rather easy on the eye in “person.” Now, I can’t stop seeing him in my mind’s eye. I think I fancy him now.

Gary’s not the only thing in my mind right now, in fact, my mind is full of things that I don’t really need, like Chelsea Dagger, you know, that song by The Fratellis, I can’t get it out of my head. I’m singing it out loud when nobody’s around and I am singing it in my head when I’m talking to people.

I can't get them out of my head! I'm not sure I want them to, I need them to occupy my mind, they kinda make me forget about my troubles.

It's good to be back

It's so good to be back! I think i've seen the the strongest storm in my life... well, okay, it's not the strongest that ever hit Metro Manila but it was the first storm that i have ever seen, literally! My kids and I were at the second floor of our house in front of the glass sliding door fronting our terrace. Ooops, didn't everyone adviced us not to stand in front of the window or glass door in case of a storm? I didn't listen.

My kids and I saw everything! Roofs being ripped from houses, woods, chunks of metals, branches of trees being carried by the gusting wind of 185 kph and, of course, let's not forget about the punishing torrential rains. The next day, I saw the most beautiful day in my life! The sun was up in all it's glory, the birds were chirping happily but the trees... the big old trees... which once stood proudly along Estrada street, were now uprooted with no dignity left and now considered a road obstruction.

The city was paralyzed, I wasn't able to watch the news as most part of the city had no electricity even when the electricity was restored... the cable was still out so no TV still for us. But we're back to normal now. It's so good to be back!

When we got our cable connection back... boy, oh, boy! The timing was perfect! I saw the Ac360 commercial last night, he's back on the field and he'll be spending time with me (on CNNI) from Wednesday to Friday! Again... it's so good to be back!

I was a little sick this past couple of days so I decided to take a day off the other day and rest. Turned the TV on and hopefully waited for AC on CNNi. He didn't let me down, I spent some time with AC for two full hours. I got better! "So... was it an andersickness or anderwithdrawal?" my husband asked me when I told him that I spent some time with AC. "It doesn't matter," I said, "He made me feel better, that's all I know." Haha... Anyway, I'm sure I won't see him anymore on CNNi because he's coming home to NY.

To get me through another long anderless days... I'm posting this caps.




caps courtesy of sheryn, storm0611 and casey kendall.

Sophia

I love this song, I've been listening to it for two weeks now and I can't shake it off my head. It's by Nerina Pallot.




Sophia

Five o’ clock and a fire escape symphony
Spilling out across the road and the square
And the sky’s the same as your own, do you think of me?
Do the parks and trees and the leaves reach you there?
After the rain, in the lonely hours he haunts me....
Calling out, again, and again....
Sophia, Sophia, I’m burning, I’m burning
It’s a fire, a fire I cannot put out. Sophia, Sophia,
I’m learning that some things I can’t go without
And one of those is him.

And now I walk these streets like a stranger in my home town,
Learn the language, form the words when I speak.
But he changed me, I’m his ghost since he came around
Now I count the hours, and the days and the weeks.....
In passion and silence,
Every word, every line a measure It’s the science of the soul.
And his books, they breathe a reason
And now, I want to know.....
Sophia, Sophia, I’m burning, I’m burning
It’s a fire, a fire I cannot put out.
Sophia, Sophia, I’m learning that some things
I can’t go without And one of those is him.

And you, with your new born eyes,
Have you ever loved a man like I love him?
Do you hurt, but still feel alive Like never before?
Oh Sophia! Sophia!
Sophia, Sophia, I’m burning, I’m burning
It’s a fire, a fire I cannot put out.
Sophia, Sophia,
I’m learning that some things I can’t go without
I can’t go without him.


(I wish I wrote the lyrics, I could see AC all over it)

Dark clouds follow me everywhere.

Same time last year, I was worried that I was gonna lose my job, the company that I used to work for wasn’t doing very well. I was told not to worry but I had a feeling that they’d let me go before the year ended, I was right. They did let me go and to makes matters worse they haven’t given me my final pay up to now.

Since April of this year I have been changing jobs every couple of weeks, I couldn’t find a work place that I really want. It took me a month and a week, a resignation and a come back before I realized that I like it here, in my current office, the salary is not much but I can go home early and spend more time with my kids, I was happy and content… until yesterday.

It seems like I need to change job… again. It’s a long story and the bottom line is they’re (Board of Trustees) going to file for financial loss, I find it hard to believe, how could they close down the press and publication house of a university?

October 15, 2006, shall be the our last official working day. Looks like I’m about to roll again…

Be safe, Anderson!

Man! Anderson is in Afghanistan, I hope he stays safe. I miss AC, sigh...

One thing I notice though, something is wrong with his haircut, is it too short? or was it cut the wrong way? Is it me or the sides are wayyyyyy too short and yet middle part is rather long?

I think I need to sleep, maybe he'll look better when I wake up.

Big thanks to Stillife for the screencap.

CIA Anderson!

And I thought I knew almost everything there is to know about Anderson... he's full of surprises!

Anderson's latest blog is all about his summer job ...nearly 20 years ago. Today's blog made me go all crazy for him all over again. Such a funny guy!

Now, I miss him even more. *stabs cnni* *runs to the room crying*

"I know the CIA may sound more exotic and mysterious, but it was actually pretty bureaucratic and mundane..." he said. Well, it may be true but this I know for sure... he would've made the CIA look good.

But I think we should understand why he kept it a secret to the public, wait... is it even a secret? He did not tell the public about it, simple as that. It is his right, anyway.

Why wouldn't he tell us about his CIA past? Possible answers:

1. He goes to dangerous places every now and then. Association with the CIA might endanger his life.

2. He's well-known, not hollywood-style-celebrity-status-famous but he is just as famous and a CIA past, no matter how mundane it might be will still somehow make some terrorist organization suspect that he's still a CIA agent. I hope they understand that it was a summer job... twenty years ago. He didn't pursue the career... he didn't like it. He is a journalist! Okay?

3. It's none of our business!

goodbye, steve!

I can't believe Steve Irwin's dead! Sure, he's crazy but he's careful and he knew what he was doing. I've always thought that he'd be killed by of one of those crocodiles he handled but I guess he knew crocodiles well. A stingray killed him. I'm actually lost for words, I don't know what to say. My heart goes out to his wife, Terri, and their two kids, specially Bindi Sue. How do you tell an eight-year-old kid that her daddy's dead?

He made me scream a whole lot, he was so full of life. I look at him as a little kid, he's always enthusiastic about everything. I will miss you a lot, Steve! Animal Planet will never be the same without you.

My son loves him, he loves watching Crocodile Hunter and New Breed Vets. He even watched Steve's movie.

Sad day indeed.

I'm not crazy about cellphones, as a matter of fact, the last cellphone I used was a hand-me-down from my sister. I lost it three months ago and I haven't bought a replacement phone yet. I don't mind not having one until this came along. Everytime I see the commercial, I want to cry, I can't afford it. It's too damn expensive.

I dream about it every night. And then I wake up and realize that it's never gonna be mine. Damn!

Katrina Remembered (from the other side of the world)

I should've posted this yesterday but I was busy... enough of excuses!

How could anyone forget Katrina? She made landfall last year, it was Monday evening here, I was supposed to attend a very important meeting that night but I opted to stay home and watch CNN because I was hoping to see Anderson. It will be my third time to see Anderson that year, the first time was when he covered the Asian tsunami, the second time was in August, when he was in Niger and then Katrina, also on the same month.

Hurricanes never bothered me before, I ignored it completely, all I knew was that we don't have it here, thank God. Anderson changed all that, he made a weathergirl out of me. From that time on, I keep my eye on the weather everyday...

Katrina shocked me, It's was my first time to watch a hurricane, with all it's strength and power unfolding before my very eyes. I monitored her from the time she was conceived to the minute she made landfall. And then, I thank God some more we have no hurricanes in Makati City. There's no way we could recover from it and I'm not bringing up our government yet! Anyway, I saw last night on CNN that too little has been changed since it hit New Orleans and Mayor Nagin's still bragging of the supposed "plans" that he has. I think it's still on paper, the plan is still a plan, not implemented yet. I'm wishing everyone in New Orleans well. And, I pray that Katrina, with all the mistakes made, will not happen again. Sure, every now and then, I'm wishing for hurricanes to happen but I don't really mean it, it's just that there are days that I miss Anderson so much.

Let's not forget Katrina, the FEMA failure she exposed, the levees she broke, the families she destroyed, the dreams she shattered and the lives she cut short. Let's us not, in every possible way, let it happen again.

Anderson, don't let them forget!


special thanks to sheryn for the lovely screencap

Of Admitting my Mother is Right and Swallowing my Words

My mother is right! I am a rolling stone. I just can’t stay in one office for too long. Something must be wrong with me? She keeps on telling me to find me an office and then settle, grow some roots and stay rooted but I can’t do it. I think I'm addicted to the thrill of jobhunting. I think it keeps me alive, I can't stand doing the same thing over and over. Oh no! I am a shark, too! (Apologies to Anderson Cooper for the shark reference.) Maybe I'm in the wrong field of work, maybe I should be doing something else, maybe I haven't found my bliss yet!

I'm afraid of changes and yet I keep on changing jobs. I wonder how I can keep this job before I start to scan wanted ads again?

As of this moment, I am working, officially, with DLSU Press, again. I’m so lucky they took me back with open arms (I think), And I am so lucky they took me back without any question, after I “disappeared” from my Makati office. I know, I said I didn’t like it here because of so many things, they've been so kind to me, I think. (at least they don't say anything bad about me in my face)

I realized that I like going home early and spend more time with my kids. I realized that I enjoy walking my way to and from the office, it's a 15 minute walk from my house. I realized that money, really, does not make me happy, my family makes me happy.

Lately, it seems like swallowing my words is all I ever do, I'm not proud of it, mind you. Here they are, let's count...

"I'll never work in an office that would require me to work on Saturdays!"

"I'll never work in an office that uses PC, I'm a Mac user and I'll stay that way." (When one is desperate for a job, computer brand is not an issue.)

"This office is boring me into a coma, I'm so glad I resigned." (I came back, turns out, I like boring jobs.)

"I'll never work on an Adevertising agency, ever!" (I did, for two days.)

"I'll never work in a government office, ever!"

"I'm quitting Anderson Cooper!"

"I'm quitting Anderson Cooper for good!"
"I'm quitting Andy, this time it's true!"

"Damn CNNi! I'm never gonna watch CNNi again if they don't bring Anderson back."

Call Center Experience

Last Tuesday, August 22, I didn’t show up for work. I guess I made up my mind…I didn’t want to go back there anymore. It didn’t feel right. Making an ad for cigarettes and liquors just isn’t right. It’s one of those things that I don’t want of be a part of. Not to mention the super old imac they want me to use. It still runs on classic environment. So not right.

Instead of hanging around the house, I went and applied in a call center company, hahaha!!! I bet you didn’t see it coming, right? Me, of all people, applying for a job in a call center…so out of character. For as long as I can remember I’ve been wanting to beat the daylight out of those call center people I see everyday. Being stuck with them in an elevator is so painful. Mental note to self: bring epidural just in case I ran into them next time.
I’m not really sure why I went there, I was probably desperate to look for a new job or maybe I was bored.

So, here’s how the application went:

I arrived at around 2 p.m., I immediately saw lots of faces inside the lobby and reception area, they all looked young at first glance, I panicked, “What am I doing here? What have I gotten myself into, agin?” I wanted to turn back and go home but the guard was already frisking me and directed me to the reception area. I was asked for my resume and then she gave me a piece of paper to be filled up. After 30 minutes, I gave the paper back, I wanted to tell her that I’d come back another day but before I could talked the girl asked me to sit for a while and wait for my name to be called. While waiting, I scanned the whole area looking for applicants close to my age or perhaps older, I probably saw around twenty. Some are really old.

After twenty minutes, five of us were called in a room for the free speech interview, the interviewer was pretty and so young, she looked like a college student. I don’t quite remember how the conversation went but I was surprised that I passed the first interview. I didn't realize that I could converse in English for more than 10 minutes, and I didn't faint!

The second part was the computer exam. It was divided into 4 parts typing skills, logic, grammar, customer service and sales exam. After the computer exam, two things were sure, my typings skills were 36 wpm with 97% accuracy, I think anyone who types really slow like I do will get 97% accuracy and I am not a logical thinker!!! Let me get this straight... I don't think logically... I am not reasonable... Did I get it right? How the hell do I think?

A good friend of mine told me, "Of course you don't think logically, you think outside of the box, you are an artist! You don't think the way other people think!" It made me feel a little better, a good friend she really is.

But in all honesty, I never gave the exams a lot of thought, we were given 40 minutes to finish the whole exam, I finished in 15 minutes. I wish I took it more seriously. I think I will comeback and apply again after 3 months only to prove to myself that I can pass all four exams. This time, I will take it to heart.

The good news is that I made friends with lots of call center people, some of them are really kind and helpful, upon learning that I didn't pass for the call simulation exam someone came up to me and said, "Why don't you try and apply at eTelecare or ePerformax, we will go there tomorrow, we'll meet you there, okay?"

"Sure, thanks." I said, just to cut short another long conversation, it was quite late, I was tired and I have work the following day.

First day, last day?

It was Wednesday, August 16, 2006, my first day of work in my new office in Makati. I was rather calm, it’s a feeling that kind if surprised me because normally, I get really, really nervous on my first day. Actually, I always get nervous on every first time of everything I do. I’m a bad first-timer but after a few tries, I’d be okay.

So, here’s how my first day went:

8:25 a.m. – I arrived. The official office hour starts at 8:30. It’s my first day, I figured I should make a good first impression. I was asked to sit and wait at the reception area. That’s what I did… forever... or at least it felt like it.

8:50 a.m. – Still sitting, wishing and waiting (come on, sing with me…)

9:05 a.m. – Everyone was walking past me, they all seemed busy. Then, at last! somebody approached me but to my disappointment, she asked me to sit around a while longer.

9:15 a.m. – I can hear my name, they’re talking about me, I was just a few feet away, I can’t see them because there was an aluminum and glass divider between me and them. I wasn’t sure if I was just being extra sensitive that day or if it was really irritating to hear people talking about me when they knew full well that I was just an earshot away. I wanted to yell, “Hello, I can hear you, I’m only here, remember?” After a few minutes, their topic began to change, I think somebody’s gonna leave the company and look for the proverbial greener pasture on the other side of the fence. That must be the reason they hired me, to replace her.

At around 10 a.m., they led me to my working area and the computer that will serve as my partner, a 12-inch-aquamarine imac from way back 1999, I think. "They’ve got to be kidding me!" I thought to myself. I wasn’t impressed at all. The computer was a major turn-off, but let's talk about the working area, shall we? Try to imagine an area of 6 x 6 feet more or less, not to small, you might think, then add three antiquated Macintosh computers and a PC that didn’t seem to be working anymore, a printer, three swivel chairs, a small elongated table in one corner plus three people, including me, all squeezed in that area. So horrible. We have no privacy, every time I move I bump to the person either on the left or right side of me. Then I learned that they don’t allow internet connection for us, artist. My gosh! How on earth will I ever survive? And worse of all they don’t allow their employees to go home early, as long as the bosses are around, nobody leaves. What about my kids? Why do I always end up with mean, psycho and greedy bosses? Why?

Anyway, I didn’t show up the next day, it was Thursday, because I needed to think things over. The following day, I showed up, I was determined to try and make things work, the day went well but really, I don’t want to work for them. I have a life to live, I can't stay in the office all day and night.
My mind’s telling me to go on, who doesn't need work and money, anyway? But my heart wanted me to get out of there...

An AC360 review or NOT

I asked a two day rest from my new employer before I start working for them because, I told them, I wanted to rest. Well, it's half true, the other half reason is that I wanted to watch AC360, whatelse. I wanted to catch up, and catching up I did.

Last Friday (Saturday morning, my time) , was my first time to watch 360 since the war in the Middle East started and since it got back to CNNi. I was so thrilled to see Coop in London, and felt guilty at the same time. There he was reporting serious, life and death kind of news and I was giggling and smiling all throughout the show, full two hours of it. Don't think that I wasn't listenig to the reports because I was, every single word of it but I couldn't help but act in a very, very undignified manner. My kids did notice the smile on my face that just would not go away.

Here, in my country, gels and other liquid stuff are also banned in airports, LRT and MRT. LRT and MRT are kinda like our version of subway or bullet trains, only, they're not.

Today, I readied myself for another "date" with AC but he wasn't there, Christianne Amanpour and Wolf Blitzer took over. What a way to start the week, no AC! I wonder if he'll be back tomorrow? Sad to say, I won't be able to watch him, I'll start my new work tomorrow.

One thing I noticed last Friday was Will Geddes, the counterterrorism analyst in London... when Anderson was interviewing him last Friday, I kinda felt like he had a crush on AC, Will wouldn't get his eyes off AC, it's kinda irritating, if you asked me, because the whole time he was talking and even after AC stopped talking to him, he's looking at AC so intensely. Man, I didn't even see the other half of his face. By the way, Will kinda looked like Gary Oldman. I got jealous probably. Hahaha!!! But I was wrong about Will, because when Christiane interviewed him earlier, he kinda looked at Christianne the same way he looked at AC, perhaps that's just the way he talk and look at people. Like I said, I was probably jealous. Silly me.

big thanks to BCFraggle for the tower bridge Anderson screencap.

field Anderson, tan Anderson, long hair Anderson! I loooove it!

A very tan Anderson is in London. How does he do it? He was in the Middle East yesterday and now he's in London! I'm glad he's out of Israel, and out of Katyusha rocket's way, I never get tired of saying katyusha rocket! I could sleep more soundly now. I wonder if he'll still be on CNNi tomorrow?

I think it’s nice and thoughtful of Larry King to acknowledge the people behind the camera who equally risk their lives as the journalist we see in front of the camera.

He took a few seconds on yesterday’s show to acknowledge them for a job well done. I think it’s really sweet of him to do that. These are the people who, we viewers, often forget about because it’s the journalist we see.

Thank you, Larry King!

Grrr...blogspot hates me right now, I can't post the caps! Will try to post again later!

(sorry if my blog's a little all over place)

At last! I see the sun. We’ve been having very bad weather since last week and this morning for the first time in days, I see the sun. Yesterday, strong winds and white rain welcomed me while walking on my way to work. The rain was so strong that it actually looked like white curtains circling around me. The cloud was dark and heavy, It was so hard see anything so I decided to look for shelter and wait for the rain to stop. I was soaking wet when I got to the office. Being out there in the rain kinda remind me of Andy during hurricanes. I think I miss wet Anderson. Anyway, Anderson’s back in Israel, as long as he’s somewhere in the middle east, I won’t stop worrying about him.

I’m getting a little tired of the Israel-Lebanon war but I just can’t stop watching the news. Everyday when I turn on the TV on CNN, it’s all about rockets fired here and missiles launched there, innocent victims everywhere. Which reminds me of something somebody said on Discovery Channel: “War is not about who is right, it’s about who is left.”

I’ve been watching so much CNN, I think I’m starting to think that Nic Robertson is cute! Awww! *buries head under the sand*

To get my mind off Nic… I’m posting caps of Anderson courtesy of the good people of Anderloads, I’m not sure which one came fron Legionpossessed, Stillife and Bcfraggle cause I’ve been seeing Nic in my mind’s eye all morning, it’s so hard to focus on other things.

This photo of Anderson made me smile the whole day, and I’m smiling still. He looks like he hasn’t been eating right on the field, he’s so skinny and yet I’m smiling and giggling like a little school girl.

Current Mood: Irritated

Typhoon Kaemi is giving us some punishing rains right now, it hasn’t stopped since yesterday. Not a teeny weeny bit of sunshine in sight. Pretty much how I feel right now, I feel a little sad without any apparent reason, I’m stuck in the office and I haven’t been smiling since I got here. To top it all my very show-off of an officemate is trying to start a conversation about Hezbollah earlier for revenge.

Why for revenge, you ask?

Well, last week he was showing-off, as usual, and he started to talked like he knew everything about Hezbollah, the Israel-Lebanon war that’s been going on… I didn’t pay attention to him at first but he’s so annoying so I said, “You know, you really should get your facts straight first before you talk about something, because you’d only look stupid!” Needless to say, I told him off, he deserved it anyway. Haha! I knew it, being a news-junkie will come in handy one day.

So, now, I think he did some research (he pretends to know it all) and started to get me into a Hezbollah conversation, I didn’t even look at him! I was looking at my computer monitor all throughout his speech with my left eyebrow raised up to the ceiling. Btw, he didn’t stop talking, he’s talking like a CNN terrorism analyst or something like Peter Bergen. I bet if I drop Peter Bergen’s name he’d google him and then Peter will be our topic tomorrow. I don’t know what else to do with this person, he’s so ... I don’t know what to call him! Arggh!

Working on Saturdays really suck! I can’t wait to get out of this office.

I should be home watching AC360! I wanted to call in sick earlier but my other self is telling me to go to the office and edit the book that I'm doing, finalize the design of some brochure and finish a million more deadlines. It’s 10:22 a.m. now, 360 started and I’m here in the office blogging when I should be working. lol!

Back in Beirut

Anderson Cooper is still pretty much a “shark,” I guess, the man just can’t stop from moving. Personally, I’d rather see him in Cyprus, away from the explosions and all, but then, what kind of news will we get from him if he stays there?

I hope Andy stays safe and out of harms way.

Here are some caps from previous 360 episodes, courtesy of Legionpossessed.

What's going on in Indonesia?

I felt weakened by the news yesterday afternoon when I heard on the news that an earthquake shook Indonesia once again, and a possible tsunami could occur. They've had more than their share of natural disasters this past few months and it seems like more is on the way. This morning when I woke up, it's all over the news, a tsunami just hit them, again. There's nothing I can do, I could cry for them but it won't help. I feel so helpless.

No ice cream in this Israeli town

No ice cream in this Israeli town

Nahariyah is empty. The streets would normally be packed with tourists and residents dining in outdoor cafes or eating ice cream while out for a stroll.

But we've seen nary a soul since we arrived here several hours ago. Occasionally, a voice echoes down the deserted streets or man speaks through a loudspeaker telling people to seek the safety of bomb shelters.

After a little searching, we were able to find a spot from which we could broadcast tonight's show.

We're now driving toward an Israeli artillery battery. We didn't have time to get Israeli-issued ID cards, so we are not sure they will let us videotape anything when we get there, but we'll see.

Driving on these mountain roads is an eerie experience. It's pitch dark and the roads are very windy. A Katyusha rocket hit nearby about five minutes ago. It made a loud pop, but we didn't see where it landed. The driver of our SUV stopped on the side of the road, but we decided to just keep going forward.

We have flak vests with us, and I have a digital video camera in my lap, but I must admit the rocket's loud pop was startling. It definitely got our attention.

- Anderson Cooper

_______________

I can’t breathe, I need some air, or better yet, bring me an oxygen tank!

ANDERSON!!!

How could you do this to us? I do understand the nature of your job but I can’t help but worry about you and your crew’s safety.

I literally feel like my heart’s stuck in my throat right now, and I couldn’t help but think of that ABC guy, Bob Woodruff. He was almost killed. I know you’ve been doing this for more than 15 years now, I’m sure you’ve cheated death so many times already so please try not to use all your nine lives. I can’t imagine what Gloria must feel right now.

Must you really go to Israel? Can’t you just let Nic Robertson or Ben Wedeman do the field reporting? As you say, sitting in an anchor chair is just as stimulating as going on the field.

Get (your cute ass) back to NYC!

Or, you can drop by my country, I’ll show you around. We have local terrorist here if it interests you, and they’re just as bad. Really, really bad people. What else do you need?

(Hey! At least I tried.)

I’ll be praying for your safety, Mr. Cooper. May God be with you!

Why?!

I can’t believe what I’ve gotten myself into this time. Why do I find it hard to say NO?!

The reason I resigned from my current job is because it’s so boring and repetitious NOT to mention the guy that I’m working with is driving me mad every day! He’s so mayabang (show-off)! If he was a hurricane, he’d be a Cat 4! If I enjoyed the work here, I think I would’ve resigned eventually because of him.

Anyway, I was asked by the Director of this company to stay a while longer, at least give them a month to find me a replacement, I could very well leave right away since I’m not a regular employee yet but I couldn’t say no, so I’m staying until August 11. L

Then, after two days, she asked to meet with me again during lunch, kind of like a lunch meeting then she asked me to do part time work with them. If could report half-day on Saturdays? My brain’s telling me to say no but my lips said yes…arrgh!!!

It’s one of my weakenesses, I just can’t say no! I’m too afraid to hurt the feeling of others so I end up hating myself.

Googling Anderson Cooper

I can’t wait to see Andy on David Letterman, I’m hoping to hear more of his andergiggles. I just can’t help but smile and giggle just by thinking about it.

I feel so weird because lately I feel like wanting to see Andy more and more. I just can’t get enough of him. Last night, I heard his voice on CNNi, it made me miss him even more. I wonder when I could quit him? Not that I want to quit him anytime soon but I wonder…

(As if I haven’t tried quitting him before… )

By the way, next month, around mid-August, will be my first year of being an Anderfan. As I said before, I first saw him when he reported from Sri Lanka back in January 2005, I didn’t “fall in love” with him instantly then, I didn’t even catch his name. I was just glued to him, I couldn’t change the channel, I usually watched BBC then, I was itching to change the channel but somehow my fingers won’t let me touch the remote, I was drawn to him, like a moth to a fire, and the sincerity in the tone of his voice… so endearing… he had this soothing voice…hmmm… I think I hear him again… in my head…wait a minute… I must be going mad. Why do I always hear Coop in my head? Must snap out of it. * must get my medicine… * * runs to the room and get a picture of Andy *

Anyway, my second sighting of Andy was last August 2005, I woke up late that Saturday morning, I turned on the TV and put the channel to CNN, and there he was…again. This time he was in Maradi, Niger, reporting from a makeshift hospital…

I remember screaming, “It’s him! the man I saw last January, ” I was talking to my then 3 year old son. He kinda looked puzzled but I didn’t care. I gave him his bottle of milk and I continued watching the news and Anderson Cooper… “I finally got his name,” I said to myself.

I googled him the following day and was surprised that he had a LOT of fans. I didn’t think that time that people could actually find reporters interesting. Googling Andy opened my eyes to a whole new different world, he opened up new doors and possibilities to me. So to speak…

So, this blog goes out to Anderson Cooper and I, it’s our fist year anniversary next month! Hope to see more of you and less of the tragedy and bad news! But, more of hurricanes… perhaps… Ha ha ha!!! Just kidding.

Happy Anniversary, dear!!! * falls off the chair *


* Gosh, can I get any more delusional than I already am? *

the cutest ever!

Isn't this the cutest desktop you have ever seen? *faints*

Whatever...

I didn’t have anything better to do yesterday so I watched LKL, I like Larry but sometimes he’s a bit boring. I’m glad I watched yesterday, he had Kathy Griffin on the show, she was talking about her recent divorce with her husband and her reality show.

I must admit I am not a fan of hers, but I do know her. It’s just that I don’t pay much attention to her. However, when she mentioned Anderson Cooper yesterday on the show, I instantly liked her.

Obviously, she’s a fan of Anderson, she calls him Andy, I think only true fans call him that. She wants to make out with him…hmmm…who doesn’t? Can you blame her? I’ve got an ear-to-ear smile as I am writing this right now.

Coop makes me smile, always. He makes me forget my worries even for awhile.

You see, I’m about to resign from my current job, it’s so boring to me death, I just can’t do it anymore. I think I hear my mother inside my head “Rolling stones gather no moss,” she’s telling me.

"Oh, no! How am I gonna explain this to her?"

And, just two weeks ago. I resigned from another company… remember? The politician boss… who hurts people, literally and verbally? Yup! That’s him!

I’m thinking there must a lesson in all of this…

My former politician boss gave me a ridiculous amount of money for salary but I still quit that job even though I loved what I was doing there, not to mention the Powermac G5 that he bought me. So it can’t be the money.

Lesson 1: Money, it doesn’t bring happiness and peace of mind.

I’m currently working for the De La Salle University Press, I took the job they offered me in spite of the fact that the salary they could afford to give me a few thousands less from the salary I demanded because of lesson 1. Last June 30 was my last day of work from my politician boss, I started to work here (DLSU Press) last July 3…I’m on my second week right now…but I feel like I can’t do this anymore. So I’m quitting. I’m giving my resignation letter this afternoon. I’m quitting not because of my salary but because I’m not happy with what I do.

Lesson 2: It’s really not about the money. So it must be the love of work? That will make me happy.

My last day of work here will be on August 11, and on August 14, I’ll be starting to work in an advertising agency. I wonder if it will bring me happiness and fulfillment?

Oh, and by the way, I’ve got a lot of explaining to do to my friends because I never liked the idea of working in an ad agency, really! For years I’ve been trying to avoid them. I’m not sure why, but I’ve been lying about it since I don’t know when, or maybe I told the truth once but somehow I forgot it. Maybe I feel intimated by them or maybe I don’t think I’m good enough for them. Whatever the reasons are…I might need the help of Dr. Phil to dig it somewhere in my brain.

The salary they offered is somewhere in between my two previous jobs. It’s not about the money, remember?

So let’s wait and see if this is the bliss that I’m looking for.

Ooops, I think I hear Coop in my head, “Follow your bliss,” he tells me.

bored

This is my second week on my new job; I was very excited last week because I would finally use Adobe InDesign CS2 since my new job would require me to design and layout books. I’ve been wanting to use Adobe InDesign CS2 since it came out but I had no reason to… so I didn’t. I mean, know the basics, it’s sort of like the improved version of Pagemaker. And I know Pagemaker all too well so it should be easy to learn. I was like a sponge last week, absorbing every thing I need to know.

And now, on my second week… I find it rather boring to layout books with the endless editing and all. I just finished editing Chapter 3 of this particular book that I’m doing right now, and boy, oh, boy! I feel like banging my head against the wall. I’m so bored! I’m wishing it was Anderson’s book that I’m layouting/editing right now. Hmmm… that would be fun.

That’s all for now, I think I’ll find me a match and look for something to burn. This job is boring me to a coma. lol!

I think it's time to find me another job.

My thought of the day

Two months and four days. That's how long I spent working in a government office and I don't think I'll ever do it again. It's just too much for me. The red tape, the ghost employees and the very "powerful" boss. The boss, oh, yeah! I've got a lot to say about him.

He's very mean and cruel to his staffs, well, except for one, I don't understand where his anger is coming from. He's always angry. He's not human. He doesn't care about how people feel. He gets what he wants regardless of the means. Money is everything to him. He acts like he can buy everything, people included.

I don't feel anything for him, I used to hate him but now, I'm only too happy to be out of his sight. But one thing that saddens me is that one of his staffs is slowly turning to be like him! She's intelligent and pretty, she looks exactly like a human being on the outside but inside...She's slowly turning into a non-human, let's call her B. I mean, I saw my ex-boss hit his photographer... I went pale and unable to move for a good one minute. I cried for days for what I saw, and to top it off, I just learned this week that the boss kinda "fired" the guy and assigned him somewhere else. How could you not feel anything when you witness something like that? When B learned of this...I felt like she was faking her sympathy. It felt more like she reacted to it like it was normal or business as usual. Maybe she's seen more of what I saw, or ever worse. She been working for him for more than a year now, I think. She must think of it as "normal" already. Which is scary, because how do you draw normal from not when you are exposed to cruelty everyday? You get kind of brainwashed. I think.

When you lose your ability to feel, what will become of you? We feel because we are human. It's the very thing that separates us from animals. I'm so sad for her.

Ehem...what's that book called again?

I got the book! I got the book!

I finally got the book! I can't believe that I'm actually holding it right now, and it's not as not as dramatic as the VF magazine (wink).

Thanks to Mica and Cas, my two wonderful officemates!

I GOT THE BOOK!!! yippeeee!!! *faints*

a very late AC on TDS blog or not

andergiggles are the greatest, it's so contagious, really!



Too damn cute for words!

thanks to stillife for the screencap

updates

If everything goes as planned I should get my book tomorrow, Wednesday, my time. I'm so excited! Can you tell?

And regarding my current job, I'm not as brave as I think I am, after all. I just resigned. My last day will be on Friday, June 30. It's just so sad because all my expectations, all my pre-conceived ideas about governments offices are true, indeed! And it's all bad, all my bad to worst expectations have been met. So sad, because when I accepted this job I wanted to be proven wrong. And worst of all I was told by a number of people who who have connection in the government that my boss is actually not a good person. I won't tell any details because I'm so afraid for me and my family. I went AWOL last week...I really didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore, I don't want to be associated with him any longer.I've seen enough already.

Eeeeee!!!

Can he get any cuter this? He is so serious but he still is very cute.



thanks to dead_zoner for the scan

Book Update

I still don't have Anderson's book yet. It's still not available here. But I might get the book sooner than I expected, two of my officemates are in the US right now, they're there for an official business and they promised to buy the book for me! They'll be back in the office on the 26th of June. Wahoooo!

I couldn't be any happier! Can you see me smile from ear to ear?

Feeling Anderson

What a week it has been! My office work was drowning me not to mention my very, very demanding boss, my kids started school this week, I had so many things to do and not enough time!

For two weeks I couldn't even take a look at Anderson for just a minute. And this week, I felt something I don't want to feel ever again...I wasn't craving for Anderson anymore, I felt numb, was I over him? I tried to listen to his voice in my mind, I tried to imagine him reporting when he was in Sri Lanka, I smiled a bit but I wasn't craving for him. I didn't miss him anymore. So, this is how it felt like not missing him anymore? I thought to myself. Honestly, I didn't like it. I didn't know what happened.

Almost all my workloads are finished already and now I'm back here, blogging and hoping to regain my affection for Anderson. I feel like it won't take too much time...I'm beginning to "feel" him again.

It's not hard to love Anderson, after all he is a beautiful person.

I got the photo from Anderloads courtesy of Stillife.

fear factor

I am not a brave person. I don't go out of my way to look for adventure or a challenge, as much as possible I want things the way they are, I hate changes...but it is inevitable, I know.

I've been working in my new office for almost two months now, I'm working a government office. My new boss, he's the governor of some province in Luzon. He's a very scary person not because he's ugly or anything but because he commands respect, he shows who is master when he's around. A lot of people are scared of him, myself included. He talks very loudly, he curses, he has a very, very short temper, he wants everything done in an instant, which we all know is impossible. He doesn't listen to explanations, he's always right, he looks for flaws in everything. Just his mere presence make anyone in the office shiver with fear, sometimes I want to run home and not comeback in the office but I can't. Last Wednesday, he was shouting and cursing, he's usual, but he did something else that shocked and rocked me to my core, he hit his photographer... four times! Papers were flying up in the air, he threw it all because he couldn't find the picture of his son. His son! Not something related to goverment business, not something that could possibly make the world a better place but a picture of his son! When his photographer picked up the papers from the ground he took the papers from him and hit him with it while cursing him! He did it four times.

All of my bad experiences from the private companies that I've worked for before are nothing compared to what I've seen and heard here. I've heard of bosses screaming ang cursing before but none of them hit their employees. I don't even know how to even begin to describe him.

Everytime I'm in the office I feel like I'm waiting for a heart attack to happen. I can't breath and move when he's around. I fucking fear the guy but I can't leave, I want to conquer my fear. It sounds stupid, I know but I want to see his other side. I want to know if he has a good side.

Again, I am not a brave person, I don't go out of my way to look for challenges but when I find myself in the middle of it, I tend to stand my ground. I won't leave just yet...

AC on Conan

This is a very, very late AC on Conan blog. I avoided reading the thread because I didn't want to know how the interview went, though, I admit that I downloaded the video, tried to watch it but after a minute the video went crazy. So last Monday night, I stayed up 'til about 11 pm, napped a bit and the at round 12:30 am I literally had to hod my eyes so it won't close.

Ahhh... the things I do for Anderson.

The interview was hilarious. It was andergiggles all throughout the show. But I was silently laughing because I my husband was soundly asleep. How could Conan put his coffee or whatever it was he was drinking on top of Anderson's book? It's a good thing Anderson looked cool with it. And Conan, he was brilliant, genius even to be able to pull that off!

Here are some screencaps from the show courtesy of Stillife.

Shaken

The very first thing that woke me up last Saturday was the news about Indonesia. An earthquake has shaken their country once again. It feels like every country in Asia is being punished by natural calamities one by one. Pakistan was hit by an earthquake last December. Indonesia, Sri Lanka, Thailand and India has fallen victim of the 2004 tsunami and I don't think Indonesia has recovered yet and now this...6.3 magnitude earthquake has shaken one of their most populous provinces which as of this moment the death toll is still rising. But that doesn't end there, Mt. Merapi is getting active by the minute and looks like going to erupt any moment. My heart and prayer goes out to them and at the same time I am also thankful that my country has been spared so far from earthquakes.

Of all the natural calamities, I am most afraid of earthquakes, there's no way to go, you can't run, you can't hide, you can't do anything, you are at God's mercy. I pray to God everyday He'd spare our country from it or if it really has to happen I hope I'm with my kids. I can't bear to lose them and just the thought of them growing up without me, it's too heartbreaking so I hope we die together. I hope I'm not being selfish or unfair...it's just a mother's wish.

May His will be done not mine.

A Note of Appreciation and more...

I'm feeling a bit mushy right now so now might be the right time to write this...

A friend of mine, who was also present at the meeting last night asked me, "Why do you like Anderson so much?" he asked me that because I was flashing my Vanity Fair magazine to him with this school/fangirl giggle that probably looked silly to him. I was lost for words, I didn't know how to reply to that question, I only said "because." And then we laughed. But right now, I'm still thinking about that question...why? I was only able to say "because" probably because a one or two sentence is not enough to describe Anderson. He is so complex and so everything I don't even know how to describe him. Anderfans know exactly what I'm talking about but for someone, such as my friend, who hardly know him...it's so difficult to paint a picture of Anderson to him. Words are not enough, you have to kind of "know" Anderson to even begin to describe him.

I've never joined any group or community before, this is my first time. Sure, I've been crazy about other "men" before like Ewan MacGregor, Sting, Simon Baker...etc. but I never joined their fan clubs or anything. And I sure didn't blog about them. I joined the"Hey Arnold! fanclub because I love Arnold and Helga, does that count?

Anyway, whether or not I could put into words why I've gone over the bend and completely lost my mind over Anderson...this I know for sure...I've "met and known" some of the kindest people around the world because of Anderson. Some even went over the extent of offering to buy and send Anderson's book to me, another one offered to FedEx Vanity Fair to me, some have given me kind words when I'm feeling down, very generous and helpful people. If it weren't for Anderson I never would've known them. And now, I've got a new friend from Argentina with whom I constantly exchange email with, we're both "victims" of CNNI when they decided to drop AC360˚.

To all my Anderfriends and visitors of this blog...thank you so much. I am truly honored that you always come back and visit my little space.

Anderson is Home

I got my copy! finally!

I ran, as in literally ran, to Glorietta last night office to get my copy and then ran back again to Paseo de Roxas, near my office, for a meeting. I was so tired and sweaty during the meeting but so what! I'm taking Anderson home with me. lol!

Almost had him!

Last Saturday morning my kids and I went to Ayala Center to buy a birthday gift for my friend's son, Riley. We were walking and talking towards the direction of my favourite magazine store right under the escalator at the Glorietta Activity Center, it's where I buy my copies of Details and Rolling Stones magazines, they must have the latest copy of Vanity Fair magazine, I thought to myself. As we were getting near the store I felt my chest tighten up as if a big reticulated phyton was squeezing the life out of me. I was feeling and I acting like I was about to see Anderson in person. I felt silly and ridiculous but I couldn't help it. I am, after all, tragically in love with supercooper!

I looked on the window display, I saw loads of magazines but I didn't see Vanity Fair with Anderson's face anywhere! I walked inside the store and looked some more, still no sign of Andy! I was beginning to panic and I thought to myself, "Was I too late? Did they run out of copy?" I wanted to scream and cry but my kids were with me. I couldn't let them see the fangirl in me. I need them to respect me, I'm their mother for crying out loud. I tried to calm myself and mustered enough courage to asked the sales person calmly if they had the latest issue of VF, frankly, I didn't want to ask because I might not be able to handle the answer very well. "Please, please let me have a copy," I whispered to myself while the sales person helped me find VF. After a few seconds, I finally saw Anderson! no wonder I couldn't find him, the magazine was piled in a plastic container on the floor! How could they do this to Anderson, these people have no respect!

Anderson is finally here, I couldn't believe it. I almost kissed and hugged the magazine but decided to save it for later. Hah!

The magazine cost Php465.00 it's roughly around $9.00 so I checked my money and found out that I only have Php1,500. I couldn't believe that I may not bring Anderson home. Arrgh!!! I took my kids and desperately looked for a Landbank ATM machine to withdraw money, but I couldn't find one. I hate Landbank, it's ruining my Anderlovelife! I work for the goverment so I'm a Landbank account holder nowadays. I could use my available money to buy the magazine and the gift for Riley but my kids won't eat, tough decision, really! :)

I left the magazine store with a heavy heart, I couldn't take Anderson home with me but I made a promise that I will come back and take him with me.

I'm going there today after office, gosh, I so hope he's still there.


very nice photos provided by justjared.

like a rolling stone...

I remember an episode of "My Name is Earl" that I watched a few weeks ago, it's about Earl becoming a teacher for minorities living in the states. He used to make fun and ridicule them. He treated them with no respect at all. Bad Earl! But this isn't about Earl, this is about me...making up for things I've ever done to all the government employees I have insulted, made fun of, mocked and ridiculed in my lifetime. In a way, I've treated them with little or no respect at all, too. And now...the world comes full circle (yay! for the AC360 reference). It's time for me to pay!

When I get my papers, which I suppose will happen very soon, I will be, officially, an employee of the government. Who would have thought that I'll work in a government office. Not even in my wildest dream...sometimes I'd wish working in a government office but only half-jokingly.

Oh, dear. What I have I gotten myself into. All I remember is that I answered an ad from Manila Bulletin for an office here in Valero, Makati, looking for a graphic artist, then after a month they called me up for an interview. I was asked if I had any problem working for the government, I said no and that's it. On the very next day they e-mailed me a job offer, the salary is okay, a little higher than my previous salary. And I get to work in Makati again. I missed working in Makati!

I think I'm gonna like my job...I'm working for a certain province somewhere in the south, but I will be based here in Makati, I'll be doing layouts, designs and everything that is related to promote all the tourist spot of this province. In a way I'm like working under the tourism department but not for the Philippines...only for this particular province. Oh, my boss is the governor of ..... Is he a good boss? I don't know yet, I hope he is.

When my mother learned that I will be working in a governement office, she was ecstatic! "That's good! government benefits are far better than those of the private companies. Please don't resign from this job this time!" She calls me a rolling stone because I keep on resigning and changing company. "Rolling stones gather no moss," she kept on telling me.

"Let's see." I replied.

My Childhood Sea

When I was a kid my father used to bring us, my sister and I, to Bataan often. My grandparents lived there, I lovingly called them Nanay 'anda and Tatay 'anda otherwise known as Grandfather and Grandmother to most people. When I think of Bataan, the sea comes next to mind. I remember being so excited to look at the sea from the bus on our way to Cabcaben, my father's hometown. The very first place that I'd go to was the seashore of the South China Sea. Walking barefoot along the sands was like the most exciting to do. My sister and I used to chase the tides and then runaway from it afterwards. I remember picking up shells and odd looking pebbles from the shore, we gathered enough shells and stones to fill up our sungka. Running along the beach and playing sungka, I think, are the only things that my sister and I didn't argue about.

The reason why I'm bringing this up is because last weekend we (my kids and my husband) went to Bataan along with some brethrens to relax and experience the summer in a different place. The date was planned a month earlier so there's no way we could've known that some storm will hit Luzon. The trip has been well-planned and well thought of so there's no way we're going to cancel it. Besides riding the storm was far easier than explaining to my kids why the trip was cancelled.

Maps were made so as not to get lost but we got lost anyway and because of that we ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere! It's bad enough that we're spending our summer outing in the middle of the storm but getting lost and stranded mid-way...IT'S JUST TOO MUCH! But amazingly I didn't get mad or anything that night, I even felt a bit like a cast member of "Lost," or I probably was too sleepy and too tired to feel anything. We made it to the resort safely after a few hours.

The very last time I went to Bataan was in 1987 or 1988, it was when my Tatay 'anda died. So you could just imagine how I felt to be back to the shores of my childhood sea.

The morning was expectedly gloomy, just a little rain but the wind could really pack a punch. I kind of felt a bit like Geoff Mackley, the Dangerman, running towards the storm while everyone else were running away from it except that I was far from danger and I wasn't chasing any storm. I also felt like Anderson Cooper waiting for a hurricane to landfall except that it's not a hurricane but only a signal no. 1 typhoon and I'm not Anderson Cooper. I headed toward the sea and instantly, I felt connected to it. It felt like we were friends, it was exactly the way I remembered it. The water was brown kind of muddy but it's not, the sand was grey and the tide was high and strong even the smell was the same. The only thing that I didn't see that day were the jellyfish, the waters of Bataan are full of those as I remember it. I think I might have spent a few hours watching the tides, I could do it all day and not get tired of it.

I wasn't able to swim that day, some summer outing it was! but the trip was well worth it.

I visited anderloads today...

read the live thread on AC360...

found these pictures...

I miss Anderson!!!

(screencap courtesy of bcfraggle)

I've decided to change my blog's subheadline...from "Mostly Delusions" to "Some Delusions But Mostly True Stories."

I'm abandoning my other blog, been very busy with work lately and it's so hard to update both blogs.

And I thought it's time I'd share my private life with you , guys.

I'm going out of my mind waiting for my copy of Vanity Fair.


This one's for Reese and I.


(photo scan courtesy of stillife)

While waiting for our local magazine stands and bookstores to sell the latest copy of Vanity Fair magazine I thought I'd post this very endearing picture of Anderson Cooper and her mother, Gloria Vanderbilt.

The picture is very telling, I don't think there's anything more that I can say.


(magazine scan courtesy of stillife)

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!


I've been obsessing on Anderson for more than a year now and still, everytime I see his eyes...it feels like I'm seeing it for the first time! It always gets to me. I hope to see him someday, I would love to drown into those piercing blue eyes of his.
In this particular photo, taken by Annie Leibovitz nonetheless, his eyes look as if it speaks of so much pain and anger. Loss and tragedy.
I'm tempted to say that I wanna hold and comfort him. But I know I'm not the only one.