The Domestication of Sheila?

I GOT SACKED TODAY!
To all my friends, please consider this my official sugar-coated "press release." So I don't have to repeat this story to everyone over and over again. :)
Actually, I got sacked yesterday but I signed the papers today, so Dec. 23, 2005 is the official day. I wasn't really surprised at all, I sensed it coming my way months before the management (parang andami) talked to me. The company that I work for (I'm still here until Jan. 22, 2006) is having a bit(?) of a dry spell and so they had to cut down their people. I'm the only person left in the creative department, they retrenched me, go figure.
The thing that's bothering me is that after they informed me that they're letting me go, they offered me a job as a consultant. They're asking me to report on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for 5 hours each day. Should I be thankful or should I be insulted? I'm not really sure how I should feel about it.
But I think I'm gonna accept their offer. I asked them for a little raise for my 'consultancy' fee and I hope they give it to me. The company really need to cut down expenses, cut down people to survive. I hope they do. I think a little 'raise' won't hurt them, after all, they don't have to pay me my whole salary monthly, they don't have to give me benefits and all. Not too bad a deal.
I don't have any problem talking about my retrenchment and writing about it, but when I read and signed my Notice of Termination, SHIT! reading the word TERMINATION hit me big time. I've never been terminated my whole life! But, really, I feel okay, as long as I don't read my notice. At least, I have my separation pay to look forward to. Sana lang ibigay.
I talked to my kids, I explained to them that we may need to cut down our konting luho because nanay doesn't have a job anymore, they felt sad for a moment, I thought it was because of the happy meals and kiddie meals that we had to cut down, I was wrong, my son worriedly asked me "Nanay, talaga wala ka na tilbaho? Paano na house natin? Sleep na ba kami sa kansada?" See, my son is quite mature for his age, he still can't write well but he understands. But you know how kids are, they don't take anything seriously for a long time, after a minute or so they realized that they will see me more often around the house, I could make them sandwiches for baon instead of buying them, I could pick them up from school every Tuesdays and Thursdays...silly kids. They're quick to cry, they're quick to laugh, they're quick to forgive, pure innocent souls.
Maybe God has a better plan for me or maybe this is his way of telling me to be a better mother to my kids and a better wife to my husband? I'm not a bad mother and I'm not a bad wife either but I haven't really been superb at it also. My husband smiled when I told him about my status in the office, I was sure he wanted to jump and scream, I'm sure he's celebrating, but he didn't show it. He just said "Good, I'll see more of you around the house." Maybe it's high time for me to be domesticated. Waaaahhh... parang farm animal.
I wonder how long will I be able to do it before I look for another day job? The last time I took the role of a full time housewife and mother, I went mad. Will I be better this time? Will I become the sixth "Desperate Housewives?" Maybe I should write Richard Quest and tell him about my "Quest?"
At the moment, I'm not at all worried because I have a tutoring job on weekends, thank God, I could even accommodate more tutoring jobs on weekdays since I'm free on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I may not be totally financially dependent on my husband, at least, not yet. If there's one thing I hate is asking for money. There's no better feeling than buying what you want using the money that you worked hard and sweated for. It's all about freedom, baby! Not being dependent on anyone, specially when it comes to money.

Living with the threat of a suddenly thrown rock

Voting comes at a high price in Iraq

By Anderson Cooper
CNN

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- "Goddamned son of a bitch!" The soldier's shouting woke me up. I was riding in the back of a Humvee heading from Baquba to Baghdad when a rock nearly hit the gunner whose head was sticking out the roof. The rock was thrown by a kid, one of many rocks I saw being thrown.

I don't want to give the wrong impression, however. I saw dozens of kids smiling and waving at American soldiers, too. But sometimes, when the kids get in groups, they also throw rocks. There's not much you can do about it. You just have to keep driving.

In Baquba, a sandstorm almost blew us off the air this morning, but the weather broke just in time. It took us about five hours to get back to Baghdad. We'd hitched a ride on a Blackhawk to get to Baquba, but the storm grounded all the choppers. To get back, the military let us ride along on several different patrols.

The election was yesterday, but they are still counting ballots here. They will be for days. It's possible we won't know the results of the elections until sometime in January.

Watching people vote yesterday was very moving. It is one of those moments in my life I will always remember.

In the end it seems such a simple thing. People standing up, casting a vote, having a say. So simple, but here the price has been high.

Before I left Camp Warhorse today in Baquba, I once again stopped by what they call their "Wall of Heroes," pictures of the 29 members of the 3rd Brigade killed in Iraq.

They are all ages, all races, all Americans. Some smile in candid photos taken by their buddies. Some appear somber in formal portraits taken for ID's. All are silent. All are heroes.

I'm only admitting to one thing, I kiss Anderson only in magazines, I've done that a couple of times, no harm done. I say goodbye and goodnight to him regularly, it's no big deal. I've thought about kissing him on TV but it's too much. I can't possibly do that. What would my daughter think of me if she saw me doing that?

However, this morning while watching 360, I was, like, 2 feet away from the TV, Anderson was reporting and then he moved forward, towards the camera. Almost instantly, without batting an eyelash, I moved forward also as if I was about to kiss him! I didn't think, I just moved forward. I felt dizzy from restraining myself cause I really, really wanted to kiss him. Thank goodness, I didn't, I still had my sanity intact, after all.

Andy, we need to talk!

I feel so much better now that Anderson seems content to stay in Baquba, which is a rather safer place than Baghdad. Today is the general election day in Iraq. I hope he stays safe.

Don't forget to wear your bulletproof vest, Anderson!

'It's going to be a good day'

With optimism, Iraqis head to the polls

By Anderson Cooper

BAQUBA, Iraq (CNN) -- "It's going to be a good day."

That's what the gunner of the Humvee I rode in this morning said. She wasn't talking about this country's historic elections; it was more of a daily affirmation, the kind of thing I think she says every morning, but that doesn't matter.

I think it is going to be a good day. I'm in Baquba, a city that last year was a hotbed of the insurgency. Now, attacks in this province are down 30 percent to 40 percent.

Right now I'm in a polling station, and it's a couple of hours before people can vote. I'm sitting in a ceramic plated armored vest, and we are setting up for broadcast.

Polls will open halfway through 360, and if people are lined up, we should be able to see the first votes being cast in this city. That's the plan. Of course, in Iraq plans don't mean much.

Last January at this polling station, the election officials didn't show up for several hours, nor did the ballots. People here didn't actually get to vote until the afternoon. Even if people don't show this morning, it's going to be exciting.

I've been to a number of countries for historic elections: Cambodia after years of brutal rule and occupation, South Africa after apartheid. South Africa was extraordinary. The line I stood on in Soweto snaked for hours, people waiting patiently in the hot sun.

I was in Baghdad in January as well. There was such excitement, so much was unknown. Would insurgents attack polling sites? Would people come out? They did, and the insurgents didn't. The difference this time is that many Sunnis seem to have realized they made a mistake by not participating then, and they plan to cast votes now.

As the day progresses, we shall see.

Another Iraq Blog Soldiers say media miss Iraq story

'So much of what happens here never makes the nightly news.'

By Anderson Cooper
CNN

BAQUBA, Iraq (CNN) -- We're in Baquba today, about 35 miles north of Baghdad. We hitched a ride this morning on a Blackhawk helicopter after finishing the show, and spent much of the day on patrol with the U.S. military.

I'm usually not all that impressed by machines, but Blackhawks are amazing. The heavy rotors slice the air. The sound is at once crushing and comforting. You take off, fly low, at times skimming treetops.

It's been a long day, and will likely be a long night.

I just finished writing an account of the patrol that will be on our show in a couple of hours. It's now nearly 10 p.m. here, and I still have a couple other pieces to write. We go live at 6 a.m. Iraq time, which is 10 p.m. on the East Coast. So I'm not sure I will be able to sleep tonight.

I can't complain, however. The soldiers I spent the day with work around the clock seven days a week. They can't keep regular shifts because they don't want insurgents to be able to track their routines. (Cooper: 'I had my first gun pointed at me today')

The unit I spent the day with is one month shy of going home. The commander, Capt. Patrick Moffett, was very optimistic about progress in Iraq, and by some accounts Baquba is a real success story. Attacks have dropped 30-40 percent since last year, and the Iraqi police in the city actually are able to conduct some operations on their own.

I'm planning on going out on patrol with Iraqi forces tomorrow, which should be interesting. They don't have armored vehicles, so it's a bit dicey. But I think it's an important story. It's worth seeing them operate for myself.

I'm always incredibly impressed by the U.S. service members I meet here. They are not all as optimistic and supportive of the mission as the captain I spent time with today, but they are all dedicated to their units, devoted to their fellow troops. I think a lot of us in the states forget how difficult it is for the families of these soldiers and marines, airmen and sailors.

They are away for so long. Multiple tours in Iraq are not uncommon.

Every soldier I talked to today said the media hasn't done a good job of telling the full story from Iraq. It's a complaint I've heard before, and certainly understand. I do think television tends to focus on the bombs and the bullets, the most dramatic headlines. So much of what happens here never makes the nightly news.

When today's patrol ended, one of the soldiers said to me, "Sorry it wasn't more exciting for you." I told him I wasn't looking for excitement, and in fact, I was glad the day unfolded as it did.

It reminded me that life in Iraq is never what you expect it to be. The situation here is far more complex and the fight far more nuanced than it is often portrayed.

What the #%@!

Geez, Anderson, you don't have to tell the whole world! *blushing*

( I actually stole the idea from the kind folks at Anderson Daily, thanks for the photo, too!)

Another Shameless Anderblog

My chest is so tight today, I can barely breathe. I'm worried about the situation here in the office, some of us might be evicted again, our boat is sinking, must find me a life jacket!

Another thing that makes me worried since last week is that Anderson Cooper is in Baghdad! He's there for the Iraqi elections which makes Baghdad twice as dangerous.I hope he doesn't get hurt, and the whole CNN crew too.

And then I read this blog... (where's your bulletproof vest, anderson!) *faints*

Cooper: War is hell, opportunity

'I had my first gun pointed at me today'

By Anderson Cooper
CNN

BAGHDAD, Iraq -- We arrived in Baghdad this morning. Caught the first flight in from Amman, Jordan. It's a Royal Jordanian flight, but the crew is South African, because contractors are the only ones willing to take the risk.

At the airport, there are long lines of people waiting for visas. Reporters and Iraqis, former military guys now working for Halliburton, shaved heads, duffel bags, drawn by the lure of money. War is hell, but it's also an opportunity.

The first thing you do when you step out of the airport is slap on a bulletproof vest. The road from the airport used to be considered one of the most dangerous in the world, but not anymore. The United States has tightened its grip, increased patrols in surrounding neighborhoods. The Iraqi National Guard has posted checkpoints on all the road's on-ramps.

The Iraqi police and military are all over the streets. They've started to shut the place down in advance of the elections. I'm surprised how many troops and cops they have on the ground. I don't know how good any of them are, but what they may lack in quality, they seem to be making up for in numbers.

I had my first gun pointed at me today. We were in a car, waiting for an Iraqi patrol to pass by. The Iraqi police ride around in these tricked-out pickup trucks with 50-caliber guns mounted in the back. It reminds me of Somalia and the technicals.

Anyway, you've got to feel for the Iraqi cops. They have no armor on their vehicles, and they are all crowded into the pickup, one on top of the other, totally exposed. It's no wonder they are kind of tense.

This guy pointed his machine gun straight at my car. He was telling us to stay back. We waited until they were about 50 yards ahead before we started on our way. No reason to take any chances.

I went over to Yarmouk Hospital, a place I've visited every time I've come to Baghdad. The place was crawling with Iraqi security forces. There had been an attack earlier, and a half dozen or so Iraqi troops were injured.

They took over the emergency room, made sure the doctors gave them their undivided attention. We weren't there to videotape them, but they freaked when they saw the camera. After about 10 minutes of shouting, we were all great friends.

We interviewed a young doctor about what has and hasn't changed. It was interesting. He asked my producer, who speaks Arabic, to only speak to him in English. Turns out he didn't want the Iraqi police stationed at the hospital to hear what he had to say.

He doesn't trust the cops who are there to protect him. He worries some of them are connected to the insurgents, and he's afraid they might rat him out.

Welcome to Iraq. The cops dress like insurgents, and the insurgents dress like cops. Nothing is easy. Nothing is what it seems.

ANDERSON'S going to baghdad next week! Must go there!

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

I look at you all see the love there that’s sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps
I don’t know why nobody told you how to unfold your love
I don’t know how someone controlled you
They bought and sold you
I look at the world and I notice it’s turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps
Well…
I don’t know how you were diverted
You were perverted too
I don’t know how you were inverted
No one alerted you
I look at you all see the love there that’s sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
Look at you all…
Still my guitar gently weeps…
I’ve been singing this song since I woke up this morning, I don’t know why. I can hear the beatles singing it in my head, or is it The Jeff Healey Band? I’m sure they made a version of it. It’s so weird, I haven’t heard this song for a long time and suddenly it pops in my head, and I can’t seem to get it out.
When I was in college, I tried to learn to play the guitar and I found someone who’s willing to teach me. But when my fingers started to get calloused, I stopped. I cannot have calloused fingers, I love my hands too much. Vanity got in the way, what a shame.
I’m planning to get someone to teach my daughter to play guitar, she wants to play the drums but I’d rather have her play guitar because it’s smaller and cheaper. My former officemate, Tina or Manang to a lot of people, suggested that I should make my son learn to play bass since there are only a handful of bassist in our country. Hmmm…a guitarist for a daughter and a bassist for a son, not bad.

The Devil Wears Prada

WE ALL KNOW THAT ‘THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA,’ RIGHT?

The pope wears prada, too!
Hmmmm…. (guess what i’m thinkin’)
Nya ha ha ha!!!

















The pope is the devil. The pope must love prada and he favors gucci for sunglasses!

'SEXIEST MAN ALIVE'

Yet Another Shameless Anderson Blog

Yes folks, he is the "Sexiest Man Alive" according to 'People Magazine,' well...maybe I'm exaggerating a bit... he is one of 'Sexiest Men Alive.' The coverboy is Matthew McConaughey, so I guess that makes him the sexiest. Yuck!!! Clearly, they got the wrong judges. Did you see the cover? He looks a bit criminal-ish and dirty and he's got curly hair, YUCK!!!

That Bitch!

That Bitch!

November 20, 2005 by dancingnancy

I’m never gonna watch Constantine in concert, let alone purchase something at the Ayala Center so I could see him up close! That’s what I told everybody 3 days before the show but on the day itself, I decided to go, not because of Constantine but because my friend, Frauline, she kept on IMing, begging and pestering me go with her, she likes him a lot. So I called up my other friend, Emie, to come and watch too, we last saw each other other way back in 1998, I was pregnant with Gillian then, I thought this would be the appropriate time for us to finally see each other again after 7 years, besides she also likes him.
Emie was with her officemates/friends Agnes & JC (i’m not sure of the spelling, it could be Jaycee), they all like Constantine except me, we all got along real well, but I was kinda like the kontrabida of the group. Everytime they scream, I’d give them the look of disgust. "Ano ba ‘yan!" I’d tell them. They didn’t seem to mind, they were all too happy to see the pot-bellied rocker (pekeng rocker pala) singing his heart out. If it weren’t for the love of Frauline and Emie, I would’ve spent my Thursday night watching "House" and "The Apprentice". Speaking of "House", that show is so addicting, a sarcastic and genius of a doctor, I wouldn’t mind having him as my physician, as long as he keeps me sound and good.
My disgust for Constanstine grew even more when he sang, "I Can’t make You Love Me," I’m not sure about the technical terms, musically speaking, but I swear, he’s singing it the wrong way! His voice was changing with every change of words from the lyrics. On the first sentence of the song, I swear, really, he’s singing it in different tones (high tone, mid tone, low tone, falling tone), as if he’s practicing or something. He probably pouted his lips and made eye-contact with the girls a lot to make up for his singing imperfections. "I Can’t make You Love Me" is one of my all-time favourite songs, though it sounds simple, it’s one of the hardest song to sing, according to Dave Navarro, I believe him, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone who sang it better than Bonnie Raitt.
We or they weren’t able to get close to Constantine for a photo session, just to prove that they were there and watched his concert so we opted to have our picture taken to the next best thing…beside his streamer. FYI lang ha, pinilit nila ako, hehehe.
That particular streamer, by the way, is now somewhere in QC, JC or Jaycee was able to sweet-talk some of the production people and they ended up giving JC the streamer, complete with the poles attached to it. O, haaa!!! May talent, di ba! He gave it to Emie, so sweet naman, that guy. Inggit si Frauline…waaaahhhh!!! But without a doubt, Frauline was the prettiest that night! She was glowing, lahat ng kuha nya, panalo!
We were about to call it a night when a girl came in and started screaming "That bitch! That bitch." Her boyfriend was trying to make her quiet but she was really mad and jealous. Anyway, she and that bitch ended up having a cat fight, screaming and all. The boyfriend came to the rescue, after a minute or so, taking that bitch with him. No wonder the screaming girl was so mad, her boyfriend didn’t love him anymore. I think the crowd favored that bitch more, because they all screamed with approval when the boyfriend chose her instead of the screaming girl. And what valuable lesson did we learn from them? Well, they have proven once again that having money doesn’t equal having class.
Before going home, we decided to get some caffeine fix from the nearby Seattle’s Best, libre ni Frauline. And while waiting for our order, we heard screaming girls running towards our direction. Constantine was heading our way, Emie and Frau came rushing out leaving me inside the store. It happened so fast, the next time I saw them they were pushed against the wall by the crowd. But they were all to happy to notice it.
What a night.

It's been awhile since I last posted, I've been very busy with work, a lot of my anderthoughts have gone unwritten, what a waste.

For two weeks now, CNNI viewers, including me, are finally being recognized by CNN/US via Anderson Cooper 360 (Anderson's giving us some holla! every now and then but it's heartbreaking everytime he says goodbye to us) unlike NewsNight. NewsNight was a torture, it was on the Asia/Pacific daily schedule but they don't show NN, they're giving us replays of Design 360 and Insight, what a waste. Now, with the new and improved, 2-hour long of AC360, we can finally watch AC360, for only an hour though, but that's okay. It's better than no Andy at all. Thanks to the kind-hearted people of 'Anderload' and 'Anderson Daily' who tape the show and upload it for CNNI viewers (mostly). I love you guys!!!

It’s just like riding a bike…

"I need two paintings for my school project, I already have a concept but I need help, can you help me, teacher?" (teacher talaga ang tawag, ha, ha, ha…)
‘Sure." I said. "That’s what I’m here for."

She wanted to use acrylic for the paintings but Frauline and I told her that oil would be better, personally, I don’t like acrylic, it’s part of the reason I insisted on oil. We shouldn’t have a problem using oil, after all, we did lots of oil paintings back in college. How hard can it be? It will be like riding a bike, you never forget it…only, I don’t know how to ride a bike.
We listed all the materials she had to buy, she bought some of it but somehow she forgot to buy one of the most important materials…turpentine. So we had to go to Rockwell and Glorietta to buy materials with her! I don’t mind going shopping with her, really, it’s just that she’s so tall, so creamy/korean white, so young, so sexy and she dresses like ‘Wonder Woman,’ and I’m saying it only with affection. Tee hee. No matter how nice we dress, we always end up looking like her yaya.
A week after we went shopping, my co-teacher (ha ha ha!) and I were supposed to start on the oil paintings. But I was so nervous, "What have I gotten myself into?" I told myself. I didn’t think I could paint again, It’s been 9 years since I held a brush in my hand. I kept whispering to myself, "It’s like riding a bike, you never forget it. It’s just there, hidden somewhere in my brain."
I half-jokingly told Frauline that we should go National Bookstore and look for a book about oil paintings, we laughed so hard I might have peed a little. "That’s ridiculous!" she replied. But somehow we found ourselves walking towards the direction of the said bookstore and then she said, "Dapat yung Basics of Oil Painting ang hanapin natin."
We didn’t find any book about oil painting. Gulp! We’re doomed!

"When are you coming?" she texted.
"We will call you when we’re in Rockwell already."
Of all places, I never thought I’d feel comfy hanging out in Rockwell. Jologs kasi. The people from Starbucks and Grams Diner are rather friendly and not as snubbish as I thought they were, although they might think of us as "pick-up girls" because Gee’s driver usually pick us up from Starbucks, since taxis are not allowed inside Bel Air. What a bad-looking ‘pick-up girls’, they must think. Speaking of Bel Air, man, it’s so quiet there, as in really quiet and peaceful, I love that village, Frauline and I probably spent more time in Bel Air than in our own houses this past week. A ‘For Sale’ sign hangs from one the houses there, near Gee’s house. Frauline suggested that we buy that house so we won’t have to commute – going to Rockwell everyday. One thing I notice though, rich people are never home, they’re always someplace else. If I lived in one of those old beautiful houses, I’d never leave home!
Anyway, we’re nearly finish with our paintings, after hours of praying…after spending more than an hour on sketching on the canvass and another 30 minutes or so on mixing colors, my painting hands finally came around. I didn’t forget how to paint, after all. The smell of linseed oil mixed with oil paint is so addicting. I love it. I might paint again and teach my kids too, that’ll be cool.

I usually have a very sound sleep everynight except last night, I woke up at around 2 pm for no apparent reason, i tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't. after 30 minutes of trying and turning, I gave up. Turned on the TV instead and saw The Daily Show with Jon Stewart was on so I watched, after all, I consider Jon my second TV boyfriend, next to Anderson, of course.

I was laughing at his jokes...I was contented with my 2nd TV boyfriend when he introduced another segment – it was about Katrina, I held my breath, whenever people talk about Katrina it will somehow point to the direction of Anderson Cooper! I was right! I actually had an andersighting at around 2:30 am, gosh, my spidy senses are working overtime! It must have been sensing that Anderson will be on TV so it woke me up!

Some of my officemates are infected with my Anderlove virus!

I mentioned the word 'pag-ibig' (love) yesterday and they actually thought I was talking about Anderson, when in fact, I was talking about my loan in Pag-Ibig fund. So, I half jokingly told them that I will make a memo in the office, forbidding everyone not to go on a halfday's work in the office instead they should go Andertime, I love mentioning Anderson anywhere and I do mention him any chance I get. Some of them are actually waiting for my next blog entry to just to get their daily anderfix. Or just to be updated on what's happening to my anderlovelife.

I LEFT THE OFFICE A LITTLE EARLIER THAN USUAL LAST MONDAY. Why? Well, hurricane Wilma was about to make a landfall in Florida at around 7:30 in the morning (ET), my TV boyfriend was in Marco Island risking his life and I felt like the least thing that I can do is to watch him, to show support. We have cable TV in the office but it just didn't feel right. So I decided to go home instead.

I was supposed to meet my Korean student on the same night but I had to cancel. We weren't able to meet last Saturday because my niece was confined (again) at the Manila Doctor's Hospital. We re-scheduled for Sunday night but I had to cancel (again) because I was expecting Wilma to make a landfall, but she didn't. What a mess Anderson made! my life nowadays is scheduled around hurricanes! (charing!!!)

I cancelled my Monday night sked with Gee (the Korean girl) on that same night because I cannot let Wilma make a landfall without me! I made my husband & kids go somewhere, I think they ended up having dinner at Jollibee. I cannot have distractions, I gotta concentrate, I hope he doesn't get blown away! Everything turned out as I planned, I was alone in the room...waiting for my Anderson.

Chad Myers was great, he somehow took over as 'anchor' for the whole day and night, and when he called Anderson to report, I held my breathe........for a very long time....

ANDERSON WAS WITH JOHN ZARELLA!!! What the #*@! What was he doing with John? It's not like Andy needed any help, Wilma was only a cat3 hurricane! He survived Katrina, he rode out Rita, he's been handling hurricanes like a pro, why are they together? I have nothing against John, I know that Miami is his territory, I also know that he "anchored" Anderson when hurricane Dennis hit Florida a few years ago and I also know that he's a big man, anything goes wrong, he could easily save Anderson. BUT, I don't like my Andy near John!

Anyway, I watched them together for a few minutes until I couldn't take it anymore, I called up Frauline and told her that I'll be tutoring Gee, after all. Walk-out talaga ako! And to think na hindi ako selosa sa totoong buhay, ha!

How can you not love them?

I find it so hard to talk to my daughter these days, and she's only 6 years old! Everytime she says something, I need to decode it. About a year ago, when she was starting to learn how to spell words, a typical conversation in our house would be like this:

Gillian: Nanay, can we have H-O-T-D-O-G for B-R-E-K-F-A-S-T?
Me: Sure, anak. Pero B-R-E-A-K-F-A-S-T yun.

Gillian: Nanay, sabi ni T-E-A-C-H-E-R bring daw kami ng M-A-N-I-L-A P-A-P-E-R sa S-C-H-O-O-L T-O-M-O-R-R-O-W.
Me: Sige, pero sleep ka na.
Gillian: O-K-A-Y.

Now that she's in grade one, she's taking it a notch higher, she's now talking backwards. She now talks like this:

Gillian: Nanay, gagawa daw kami ng glaf sa school para sa margorp next keew.
Me: What!?

Gillian: Sakal naman ng nalu!
Me: Ano!

Gillian: Yannan, where's the etomer?
Me: Ano daw? Tony, kausapin mo nga anak mo!

How can you not enjoy motherhood? I only wish somebody told me that things like this will happen. I wonder what she's gonna do next year?

And about my Balong, well, he's not too crazy about school, he lives for the weekend, may pinagmanahan. I'm a little worried about him, though. He looks normal but I think something is wrong with him. I suspect he is dyslexic, how else can you explain his disability to write? Baka nahihirapan yun bata? It's okay, I told myself. A lot of successful people are dyslexic, it shouldn't be too much of a problem naman siguro. Tom Cruise is dyslexic, i-compare talaga kay Tom, of all people. Even Anderson Cooper had a mild form of dyslexia. But then again, I can be too paranoid sometimes. OA lang siguro ako. He can write his name but he doesn't write like Gillian. My friends keep telling me not to compare him to Gillian, but I can't help it.

All he does is draw, he loves drawing and coloring. And he loves me, I'm still the only girl in his life and I so enjoy it. Although, just last week, he told me something that still brings smile to my face everytime I am reminded of it, he said "Nanay, mahal ko na sya, ok lang?" referring to Kitchie Nadal, we were watching her "Same Ground" video at the time. "Yes anak, it's ok," I told him. I'm not worried, I'm sure he'll get over her. I don't really think Kitchie is a competition, I am my son's only girl, or at least for now.

Feeling a little restless here... Wilma is about to make a landfall in Florida by daybreak and I'm stuck in the office! Gosh! can't wait to go home and watch CNN... this is like torture! gotta get outta here! Gotta find me a TV with cable connection!

I wonder where Anderson is? I hope he finds a safe place, I hope he doesn't get blown away or something. *sigh*

Another hurricane is threatening to hit the US. It is about to make a landfall in Florida this weekend. I'm a bit thrilled.

I'm not thrilled about the hurricane hitting Florida, I hope nobody gets hurt and be stupid enough to think that they can ride the storm. See, I'm a good person, I think about the safety of the people who will be Wilma's path. And then I think about my Anderlove, will he be there to cover Wilma? I don't wish for hurricanes to happen but if they (USA) have to have a hurricane I do wish Andy will be there to cover it. My weekend will probably be (mis)spent again, glued to the TV all day and night. Waiting for some andersightings. hahaha!!!

JUST BE CAREFUL, ANDY!

It's been 9 days since the 7.6 eartquake hit Pakistan and still no sign of Anderson going there. I've been waiting since last week for him to appear in Balakot or in Kashmir, be it Indian-controlled or Pakistan-controlled, I don't care!

Anderson in Asia means more Anderson exposure in CNNI and more Anderson in CNNI means more Anderson exposure for me!!! All for me!

Had an accident last Wednesday, I fell two steps down the stairs...thought I broke a bone or something but luckily it's just some minor sprain. But I couldn't walk just the same.

I had to take a few days leave from the office, I hated the thought for a moment but I took it as an opportunity to cleanse my system from my ander-addiction. From the moment I turn on my Mac till I turn it off, it's Anderson Cooper all day! I'ts like an addiction, I couldn't stop even if I wanted to.

Since I was at home, I was ander-deprived for 4 days and I think it helped me in my rehabilitation. I can't do anything Anderson related at home because my daughter doesn't like him at all.

My officemate (fellow internet addict) and I swore that we would change starting Monday (which happens to be today). We made an agreement that we would turn off our computers 5 minutes earlier so as not to be tempted to overstay in the office.

If you have these symptoms, you are, more than likely, an addict like us:

• You stay in the office more than you should. All your officemates have gone home and you're still stuck in the office browsing the net.
• You'd rather "talk" with your friends online than in person.
• Once in front of the monitor, you no longer talk.
• You don't talk to your officemates anymore but you email them with forwarded messages.
• You'd rather blog your thoughts than actually telling it to people you know.
• You used to love weekends, Saturday and Sunday used to be your favourite days of the week, now it feels more of a torture – not spending 8 hours or more in front of the computer.
• Mondays used to be a drag but now you just can't wait to get your butt in the office.

If you suffer these symptoms, feel free to contact us...we actually have our own support groups to help you through it. It's a long and bumpy road ahead, we can help you. We're online every weekdays.

Well, I'm still obsessed and head-over-heels-in-love with Anderson Cooper! Nothing new, right? But, actually, there is one thing new right now, i'm obsessing over something else – anderrelated still, I'm afraid. I am now thinking of ways to go to New York! I really feel that I must do this, I need to see him in person, I need to be near him, that is if I gather enough courage to walk up to him and say hello, and if don't faint first at the sight of him.

Here are my surefire lists, I'm sure one these plans will eventually land my ass in NYC!


1. Apply for a job in CNN. I read somewhere that CNN New York is looking for a freelance graphic artist with heavy Mac skills. Hello... it's me they're looking for. I've only been using the Mac for the last 10 years or so. I knew it, I am destined to be in New York!

2. I am tutoring a very sweet Korean girl from International School, she was looking for a "teacher" to guide her on her school projects. I really didn't want to accept the job at first because I'm not sure if I could still do freehand drawing but she was really sweet...and she told me that she wants to be a fashion designer and she plans to study in New York next year.
So here's the plan, I'm gonna make her completely dependent on me, I'm gonna be extra caring and loving even. I'm gonna be a caring tutor. So when she goes to NYC, she'll have to take me with her. Poor girl, she's gonna be all by her lonesome, there's no way she could survive without me. She's gonna be like George – totally lost when he's not around Lucy in "Two Weeks Notice." I won't mind being a nanny as long as I'm in NYC.
3. I'm gonna quit my job and go study again. I'll take up Nursing.

4. I'll write Oprah a letter – I watch her shows regularly, she grants wishes all the time even your "Wildest Dreams." I will tell her my undying love for Cooper and I'll tell her that all I want is to see him, just see him but if she could make Cooper talk to me, I'm not complaining. I'm sure she's gonna fall for it, after all, I'm not making this up. I really am in love with Cooper. *giggle* *faint*

Wish me luck!!!

So, ok, I do realize that I'm a grown woman, I shouldn't be drooling over the TV so much everytime I see Anderson Cooper but I just can't help it. He's too cute for words. Even when he's sleeping.....yay! Don't you just want to snuggle next to him! *giggle*


Poor Andy, must be really, really exhausted. But I'm sure glad he's in a different shirt color, not that I'm complaining, I looooove him in blue shirts, all shades of it.

I first saw Anderson Cooper last January (shame, shame... where have I been hiding all these years?) I didn’t catch his name then, he was in Sri Lanka covering the South East Asian Tsunami. From the moment he talked, I couldn’t change the channel, I was glued.

He is so different, not a typical anchor/reporter, sometimes he talks too fast and he also stutters a lot. His reports and views are very heartfelt and personal. Maybe because he writes his own reports. Or maybe because he's seen his own share of tragedies in his life so he knows how to relate to them.Not just a talking head I guarantee, he reports with his heart on his sleeves, really!

And then I never saw him again...I even forgot all about him until last August... eversince the tsunami hit our neighboring countries I’ve become some sort of a news junkie, switching the channels from CNN, BBC to Channel News Asia like some crazy-mental person. And after 7 months of channel surfing... one saturday morning, there he was again on CNN! the prematurely grey-haired, blue-eyed, pale, skinny and insanely gorgeous anchor/reporter that I’ve gone completely silly for!

He was in Maradi, Niger in a makeshift hospital where children are literally starving and dying in plain sight. He really felt badly when the 2 of the 3 kids in the hospital that he visited died because of severe malnutrition...he was upset because these children will soon be forgotten, no one will ever know that they existed except for their parents. In time, their parents may no longer remember their faces, they may no longer remember how they laugh or smell like...only their names will remain.

I love watching his news program, because of his very different approach in reporting and I especially love his Reporter’s Notebook segments, this is where he expresses all his emotions. And his writings – almost poetic. And the best one he did so far is “The Trouble I’ve Seen.” This piece is very poignant and in a way showed how much he respected and loved his father.

When hurricane katrina hit some part of the gulf coast in the US, I was glued on CNN because I know Anderson will be there, I know this for a fact because he’s been reporting on every hurricane that hit the US eversince he joined CNN (I think). He must have a hurricane fetish or something. True enough, he was in Baton Rouge that day, CNNI hooked up with CNN US and I was watching my Anderson live!!! wahooo!!! Don’t get me wrong, my heart goes out to all the victims of Katrina, I don’t wish anybody or any place any harm but when it does, I’d be watching it on CNN with the hope of seeing my Anderson, of course. Katrina’s aftermath was so severe and so unbelievable, and to say that they were all shocked and stunned by what katrina did to the historic New Orleans is not an overstatement. I couldn’t help but thank God we don’t have hurricanes and tornadoes here in our country. Had katrina hit us, i’m sure it will take us forever to recover. Even America, a country of great resources and power was paralyzed for days before they got it together.

And when Andy lashed out on some senator for not answering questions that needed to be answered and thanking fellow politicians when she should be doing something to help the victims,(our politicians are not so different naman pala) man! I didn’t really think that I could love him more that I already do!!! I didn’t think it was possible. On that episode, he choked-up about 10 times before he finally looked to his side and cried as he signalled the camera to look away or something. Everyone who watched that episode was shocked, and gone crazy over him, I’m sure. How could you not love the guy! He’s sensitive, intelligent (he was "JEOPARDY!" champion, by the way) and all human.

With Andy around,watching the news suddenly became more interesting and meaningful ;) hahaha!!!

It must be the vinegar.

I don’t feel feel okay right now. I feel gloomy and sad – I can almost see dark clouds and thunderstorms following me everywhere I go.

I don’t understand why, I’m still trying to figure things out. I do remember waking up in a really good mood, then I started to remember things that happened the night before, my tummy still aches from the vinegar I drank (as in literally) from a chicken restaurant. Why I drank the vinegar? I’m not sure why, but I had to be distracted and I wanted to be busy, I wanted to eat the left-over chicken bones but I had to restrain myself, I wanted to pretend I wasn’t listening… But still, I thought I was prepared, for weeks I’ve been readying myself for the “presscon” but I guess what I heard that night, I wasn’t prepared. Things just happen, for a reason I guess.

As a Christian, I try so hard to walk on the path that God made for us, everyday is like a battle, I try to fight the “evil” in me. Everyday I try to do good, I try not to hate or curse someone, I try not to wish any harm to befall to someone even if this someone is really, really rude and I think that he/she deserves it, I try to see the good side of people instead of the bad, I could go on and on but the thing is…I’m human, we’re all human. We couldn’t help but to sin though I try not to it on purpose, we’re weak and fragile, that’s why we need God in our lives. I’m not saying that I’m a saint or righteous, but it doesn’t hurt if I try to be one. I try to serve God the best way I can but sometimes I fall, sometimes I stumble, I may even go a little astray…just a little. But I always try hard to stand again and walk on the path.

We all contend to do the right thing and be in control of our lives but the fact is we’re not, He is.
We must focus on moving on and holding on no matter how thin the thread is. Just concentrate on not letting go.

A lot of things have happened this August, my father collapsed due to internal bleeding, he was hospitalized , and since we’re only four in the family, I had to take two days off from my job – I almost resigned because they wouldn’t let me. He’s okay now…thank God, only…my sister and I are totally indebted to almost everyone we know. When we got the hospital bill, I felt like fainting, I looked around and saw everything in dizzying patterns. I’m not complaining, I’m just telling.

This one, really took me by surprise, nothing ever prepared me for this…an old man, I think he’s almost 80, whom I treated as a father proposed his undying love to me, saying that he’s been feeling that way for more than five years now! He told me that whilst my father was in critical condition and I thought the proposal was worst, it turns out, the worst was he actually thought I was willing to run away with him!!! Hmmm…I thought I heard The Corrs singing…”I will runaway with you…” What did I do? I told my husband of course, and what did I get from it? Nothing! he laughed and mocked me! Embarrassing, really. To tell you honestly, I was monumentally afraid to go out of the house, I had to take my kids with me whenever I have to go out, I really felt like I was being stalked!

Akala ko naman ang ganda-ganda ko! Kainis!!!

p.s.
I can’t find the Itals button! pasensya na. Bloody Macintosh!!!

Ang Agila...bow!

I attended my son's first school program the other day – I didn't want to come to tell you the truth but as a mother it's my duty to support and attend every school activity or program they have, and I don't want them to look like orphans! Although I'm not sure if Dylan really knows what he's doing, he dutifully recites his line every night before sleeping! The kid's been practising and memorizing his two sentence acrostic line for three weeks, he's really serious about it. You should've seen him practice, it's hilarious!

I remember so clearly how I felt when I first attended a school program two years ago when my daughter was in kinder 1 (she's now in grade 1), as usual I went there because I have to but still I couln't hide my excitement to see my daughter reciting and dancing on stage.

Now, I'm back to the same school, sitting and watching the same program the school prepared year after year, I pretty much knew what to expect – the parade, the acrostic (in which my son has a line), the dance number, the contest and everything. I can't say that I'm excited at all but somehow I found myself almost crying when I saw my son on stage reciting his line about the Philippine eagle.

Damn! I wished I brought my camera!

How can you not love them?

I find it so hard to talk to my daughter these days, and she’s only 6 years old! Everytime she says something, I need to decode it. About a year ago, when she was

starting to learn how to spell words, a typical conversation in our
house would be like this:

Gillian: Nanay, can we have H-O-T-D-O-G for B-R-E-K-F-A-S-T?
Me: Sure, anak. Pero B-R-E-A-K-F-A-S-T yun.

Gillian: Nanay, sabi ni T-E-A-C-H-E-R bring daw kami ng M-A-N-I-L-A P-A-P-E-R sa S-C-H-O-O-L T-O-M-O-R-R-O-W.
Me: Sige, pero sleep ka na.
Gillian: O-K-A-Y.

Now that she’s in grade one, she’s taking it a notch higher, she’s now talking backwards. She now talks like this:

Gillian: Nanay, gagawa daw kami ng glaf sa school para sa margorp next keew.
Me: What!?

Gillian: Sakal naman ng nalu!
Me: Ano!

Gillian: Yannan, where’s the etomer?
Me: Ano daw? Tony, kausapin mo nga anak mo!

How can you not enjoy motherhood? I only wish somebody told me that things like this will happen. I wonder what she’s gonna do next year?

And about my Balong, well, he’s not too crazy about school, he lives for the weekend, may pinagmanahan. I’m a little worried about him, though. He looks normal but I think something is wrong with him. I suspect he is dyslexic, how else can you explain his disability to write? Baka nahihirapan yun bata? It’s okay, I told myself. A lot of successful people are dyslexic, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem naman siguro. Tom Cruise is dyslexic, i-compare talaga kay Tom, of all people. Even Anderson Cooper had a mild form of dyslexia. But then again, I can be too paranoid sometimes. OA lang siguro ako. He can write his name but he doesn’t write like Gillian. My friends keep telling me not to compare him to Gillian, but I can’t help it.

All he does is draw, he loves drawing and coloring. And he loves me, I’m still the only girl in his life and I so enjoy it. Although, just last week, he told me something that still brings smile to my face everytime I am reminded of it, he said "Nanay, mahal ko na sya, ok lang?" referring to Kitchie Nadal, we were watching her "Same Ground" video at the time. "Yes anak, it’s ok," I told him. I’m not worried, I’m sure he’ll get over her. I don’t really think Kitchie is a competition, I am my son’s only girl, or at least for now.

Feeling Blue

IT ALL CAME DOWN TO RETRENCHMENT. It was inevitable the management said (feeling a bit "Carnivale"-ish).
We had a meeting in the office yesterday and we were told that some people will be voted out (feeling reality tv). Some people had to be sacrificed for the greater good. Yeah, right!
Although I was half-sure that I won’t be voted out because voting me out wasn’t gonna help the company. I’m the only person left in our department! For crying out loud! I’m still standing… for how long? I don’t know.
I still get to keep my job but I’m upset nevertheless.
I couldn’t help but think what if it happened to me, I don’t have anything to fall back on, only the loving arms of my family – and their love and support won’t pay the bills! My kids will only be too thrilled to finally have me in their lives 24/7. But I wonder if they would still be happy to be with me if I won’t be able to buy them their "Happy Meals" and ice creams? How long will it take me to control myself before I hit them so they will stop pestering me. Will I be able contain myself and not let them see me cry when that happens? Life is so hard. We all need money to survive – that’s the sad truth.
I’m not myself today. I’m bitter and jaded. I hate it.

In God’s Time

I think I might have to find me a new job!
My current office has become my comfort zone and I have become too comfortable for my own good! I’ve been planning to find a new company to work for since last year…but laziness got the better of me.
But is it really laziness? (I think I’ve fallen in love with my MAC G4, I can’t leave my Mac! feeling akin talaga?)

When I resigned from my previous employer…I wasn’t really looking for a new job, well, I was looking but not seriously, I mean, I was serious but…I can’t really explain… this job that I have now, it sort of like fell on my lap, I prayed for a new job (mahigit isang taon din yun ah) and God gave it to me, though not immediately, but still, He gave what I asked for.
Six years ago, I was a stay-at-home mom, I was eager to go back to work but I was also hesitant because I wasn’t sure if I were competent enough to be part of the work force again. I went crazy, the whole time I was at home, sure, I was playing mommy to my kids…I pretended to be sane whenever I was with them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids with all my heart and I really enjoy being with them but something inside of me was crying for help. I felt depressed. I was angry for no reason. I was always crying for no reason. I was silently screaming at the top of my lungs!
My husband couldn’t understand me. How could he? When I, myself, couldn’t understand me.
I became bestfriends with Oprah and Dr. Phil at the time, because of "Oprah" I had reasons to cry. Do you remember that time (around 1999) when Oprah was already really BIG in America and she said that she won’t be featuring celebrities on her shows because she didn’t really need the ratings anymore? Instead she’d be featuring themes that would promote self healing and forgiving people that hurt you and other stuff like that, well, that was the time when she became my bestfriend. I watched her show every 1 pm on weekdays, faithfully. True enough, I learned ways to deal with the anger and frustrations I had in me. But mostly, it was post-partum depression that I suffered, the frustrations and anger came in as a result of my depression. I still consider her my bestfriend, mind you.
Anyway…what I really want to say is that, I got a call one day from a friend of mine, she asked me if I wanted to work again, "Heck YES!" I said. That was it, I was working since then. It was what I needed, I needed to feel productive again, I wanted to help my husband financially. God helped me, He knows what I needed and He gave it to me exactly when I needed it.
So, now, I’m like, waiting for it to happen again, I’m still looking for a job, sure, but I guess I am waiting for God to make it happen. I know He will give me a new job, not just now…I know he will… someday. In His time, not mine.

My (not so) Secret Life as a Tutor

For about a month now I’ve been spending my weekends in Bel-Air, Makati. I am now a part-time tutor, instead of spending my weekends with my kids…I am hanging out with a Korean girl from International School. What a bad mother my kids must think of me!
I really didn’t want to accept this tutoring job, I cancelled our meeting 3 times, hoping that she’ll get mad and finally decide that I am not what she’s looking for. I told her that I don’t do freehand drawings anymore and I’m too busy with my work, but the truth was I wasn’t really sure if I could still draw. It’s been more than 8 years since I last drew something that I could be proud of and I’m not sure if I could squeeze her in my schedule – with my motherly duties and all.
But she won’t leave me alone!
So, I agreed to meet her at last, I took Frauline with me, of course. She really could come in handy just in case the Korean girl turns out to be a spoiled brat or something worst. Frauline could easily make anyone laugh. So, anyway, the Korean girl turned out to be a very cute and sweet girl. Frauline mentioned that she looked like Sandara Parks, I agreed with her although I didn’t know who Sandara Parks was. She still insisted that I tutor her, I told her that I really can’t but I will find her another "teacher", I was thinking of Jess at the time, but he was in Cebu. So I didn’t really have a choice but to take the tutoring job. I also got Frauline as a substitute tutor whenever I am not available. Instead of one she got two tutors instead.
Then she told us about the drawings that she needed, she needed 3 drawings, a bicycle, an interior or exterior environment and anything of her choice. She said she needed those drawings as a requirement for a school in New York. WHAT!!! Did I hear it right? Did she really say New York? Suddenly, I thought about Anderson Cooper, he lives in New York and works for CNN New York and this Korean girl is going to New York, wow! do you see the connection here?
My planned 15-minute meeting with
her extended to almost 2 hours, I eventually told her that I am crushing on
some anchor/reporter named Anderson Cooper from CNN NY, but she doesn’t know him so I took out his picture from
my bag (may picture talaga?) and showed her. "Yeah, I know him!" she said. Hay, salamat!
We ended up laughing and giggling like high
school girls…wait a minute, she is in highschool, we’re not. I even
half-jokingly asked her to go all stalker-ish on Cooper when she gets
to New York. "I’ll try." she said.
Thinking back, she must think I’m nuts.
"When do you want us to start?" I asked her with a straight face cause I didn’t want to reveal the wicked thoughts inside my head (this girl could be my ticket to NY). "Right away." she said. That’s my story, that’s how I ended up being a tutor and staying my weekends with her.
It’s been a fun ride eversince, Frauline and I would go to Starbucks in Rockwell every weekend and wait for her driver to pick us up. Frauline and I feel like we’re in college again, beating school project deadlines, buying magazines and other art materials ( I carry my sketch pad with me everywhere I go nowadays), talking silly, laugh all afternoon and teaching the kid filipino lessons for free.
Oh and that part about her, being my ticket to NY… just kidding folks! Just one of my delusions.

Japanese Story

i’ve seen quite a lot of movies with toni collette in it and i think she’s a brilliant actress, but last sunday when i watched the Japanese Story…i became a fan!

i’ve seen the movie about two sundays ago and i still can’t stop thinking about it, and it isn’t because i liked the story but because it was so real and painful. i like happy endings so this movie will not be on my favorite lists but i will never forget this movie because of the emotions i felt while watching it.

the story took place in the pilbara desert, they spent the night in the freezing desert when their vehicle was stuck on red sand. it’s where they emerged as a couple eventhough they didn’t speak each other’s language. i won’t say anything else, i don’t wanna be a spoiler! but this i tell you… the movie is unpredictable and hard-edged, beautiful even. i love this movie!

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome

Last Saturday, we lost a relative… a 7-month old boy, my nephew Zhed.
Zhed died in his sleep, he just didn’t wake up. He was healthy and happy when he went to sleep Friday night, the following day, he’s dead. Just like that…so peaceful and so sudden.
Yesterday, while I looked at him in his tiny coffin, I couldn’t feel a thing. I wanted to cry but tears won’t flow, I wanted to say something encouraging to my cousin and her husband but words won’t come out. I wanted to feel something but I can’t. I was so numb and I can’t explain it. the whole time my mother and I were there I didn’t say a word about the child.
When we got home and to this moment I can’t stop thinking about Zhed. I lost my first child six years ago and somehow the death of Zhed feels like the death of my first child all over again. Old wounds are starting to feel like new again. Their loss feels like mine. Only, the baby I lost had no face, I never held her and I never touched her. We had no closure, I haven’t said my goodbyes to her yet and I don’t think I can, part of me was buried with her when she died.

sabi ko na eh

I’m so happy to report (report talaga ang word na gamitin) to everyone (who cares?) out there that I made a new recruit – my mother! She used to just ignore AC, I mean, I had to drag her out of the kitchen or out of her room just to make her look at Anderson. Now, well… she comes into my room uninvited everyday for the past two weeks whenever Anderson is on TV. She doesn’t say
anything, she’s just interested in "watching the news," I assumed. She didn’t think Anderson was cute or handsome at all, whenever she looks
at AC, she sees an old man, she used to say.
But today…she was singing her song in a different tune, she said to me, "Alam mo, naga-gwapuhan na ako kay Anderson ngayon! Ganda ng gupit nya, para syang military. ‘Tsaka parang sobrang gentleman sya."
"Sabi ko ‘yo eh. Makikita mo rin yung nakikita ko sa kanya eh. Hehehe." I replied.

screencap courtesy of jld1119.