Feeling Blue

IT ALL CAME DOWN TO RETRENCHMENT. It was inevitable the management said (feeling a bit "Carnivale"-ish).
We had a meeting in the office yesterday and we were told that some people will be voted out (feeling reality tv). Some people had to be sacrificed for the greater good. Yeah, right!
Although I was half-sure that I won’t be voted out because voting me out wasn’t gonna help the company. I’m the only person left in our department! For crying out loud! I’m still standing… for how long? I don’t know.
I still get to keep my job but I’m upset nevertheless.
I couldn’t help but think what if it happened to me, I don’t have anything to fall back on, only the loving arms of my family – and their love and support won’t pay the bills! My kids will only be too thrilled to finally have me in their lives 24/7. But I wonder if they would still be happy to be with me if I won’t be able to buy them their "Happy Meals" and ice creams? How long will it take me to control myself before I hit them so they will stop pestering me. Will I be able contain myself and not let them see me cry when that happens? Life is so hard. We all need money to survive – that’s the sad truth.
I’m not myself today. I’m bitter and jaded. I hate it.