I ignored and pushed it aside. It didn't work. I tried to spend more time in the office and less at home. Failed. I didn't speak to anyone, I didn't even let my friends feel that something is eating me up. I tried so hard to act like everything was fine, nothing was wrong. I was sleeping a lot. Wishing that when I wake up, I'd feel better.
None of it worked but I couldn't force myself to open up and talk about it openly.
Think of it, I dared not. Acknowledging it was the least thing I wanted to do. Every time I give it a shot... it knocks me cold, it angers me and then I go numb.
It's something that I hold sacred. It's something that I thought I'd feel forever. Something that will assure me that will never change. God knows I'm afraid of changes. I hate changes. I like things the way they are. But lately, change is the only thing that's happening to me. And this change is happening inside of me. I wanted so much to keep it locked inside... forever. I should have a control over it but it has a mind of it's own, it's running... flying... away from me and I can't keep up. It's leaving me, please comeback!
2 comments:
This really sounds serious. I know what it's like to have people telling you to stop thinking of something bad or try to relate it to another and God knows it's not easy but it sounds like it's a must for you now.It must be more than obvious to you that these feelings are not going away by themselves or by holding them in. How about a doctor or clergyman, or send an email to someone and pour it out that way. Reality can be overwhelming and sometimes leads to a bad feeling of unreality. Stay focused
thank you for your concern, bev.
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