On Being Brave

A few days ago I decided to be brave.

I decided to send the email my officemate had been begging me to send. What's the email for? It's for a manager that I needed to shoot for a teaser ad campaign in the office. Why can't I press send? Because I have, like, a schoolgirl kind of crush on him. Yeah that's right! I'm quite ashamed to admit it really but it is what it is. I'm too old for that, I know.
I attended an onboarding orientation in the office two years ago, wait, I think I can remember the date, it was May 6, 2016. I was about to fall asleep when he came in. Tall, lean, and confident. He talked a little funny, at the time though, I thought he was drunk or something or maybe I was just too sleepy. But one this was certain that day, I found myself an office crush. He talked about finances, I pretended I understood. Now, if only he’d look my way… he didn’t.

We worked on different floors so I rarely see him and when I do I instantly get reduced to a shy little girl, blushing and all. I couldn't keep my heart still when he's around, it felt like my heart's about to leap out of my chest. It felt terrible really. It’s been like that for two years. Nothing serious.

Fast forward to two weeks ago and the email that couldn't be sent. When I finally sent it I thought I'd feel a sigh of relief, I thought that was the end of it. I forgot I needed a reply from him. I was not able to sleep that night, silly me, losing sleep over an email. In the morning, I nervously opened my email and saw a reply! I saw his name on my inbox, it felt like a good day. I opened the mail, read his reply and realized I wasn't important. "Noted." Was all he said. Gosh! I never thought an innocent word like that would feel like an arrow through the heart. He didn't even type my name. I hated him! Yuck!

Liking someone is a messy business... it can either make or break your day… a nice reply would've made my day that day.