IARFA

I went to my former school today. I would've went there straight from work but I realized that it's only 6:30 in the morning so I had no other choice but to go home first. Anyway, I went there to meet someone and discuss things, things that I won't reveal just yet. But I will when the right time comes (naks!).

I got there at around 8:30 a.m., at the back of my mind I knew that I was too early but I went ahead anyway, I was secretly hoping that I don't get to see them.

I was right! there was no one there so I left a note and slipped my ______ in the window or was it the door? I'm not sure now.

I wanted to go home immediately and sleep but somehow I stayed awhile and looked around. At first glance the school looked the same but it's not, a lot have changed since I graduated a little more that ten years ago! Gosh, I feel soooo old! I wasn't sure what to do or where to go but my feet seemed to know where to go, at the Institute of Architecture and Fine Arts, of course! So went there I did, or at least where I thought I remembered it was... I walked towards the IARFA building like I had a purpose going there, I walked like it's nobody's business! Then a wall greeted me, a flat beige wall. I looked around but there was no one. What happened to my building I thought to myself. It was here ten years ago. Haha!!!

I finally asked around and they told me that IARFA is now located at what used to be the university hospital. So went there I did. The building was nice and new but the view from the top was awesome. The classrooms are clean, tidy and quiet, not at all what you'd expect from young people studying fine arts. The classrooms are airconditioned, ten years ago we were sweating to death doing oil paintings and what not. Oooops! I need to correct myself, I wasn't sweating back then, I was perspiring to death. You know what I always say "women don't sweat, we perspire."

I ended up asking for people I used to know, it would have been nice had I remembered their names, I described them but no one seemed to catch my drift. They must thought I was a crazy person. Then I remembered Mr. Kho, my favourite professor, he's still teaching I was told but he wasn't there this morning. What a bummer! It would have been fun talking to him, sayang!

So, if were to assess my "mission" this morning, I'd say it was a failure. Nothing happened. Sana I stayed home na lang and watched AC360. Natuwa pa ako!

It's been awhile since I last updated my blog, a lot of things have happened, a lot of things have changed. If you know me all too well then you'd know that I'm not a big fan of change, as a matter of fact I try to keep things the way they are for as long as I could. All in vain.

Anyways, not a lot of you know that I've found me another job, for the nth time. I was planning to take at least a month-long break before I hunt for another job when this company emailed me for an interview, I had nothing else to do so I went, I learned that the job they're offering has got nothing to do with what I usually do but I took their offer anyway for two reasons: one, they'll train and make an InDesign expert out of me and two, I've got nothing better to do at home so I figured I might as well take this job to tide me over until i decide what to do next with my life.

I had no plans of staying here, to be honest. Everything here is different. Being an artist, I've always been isolated from the rest of the people, I had no problems with it, as a matter of fact, I rather enjoyed it. I'm not a very social person. I could survive the whole 8 hours in the office without having to talk to someone. I've always had my own space, all mine. It's all different here, I don't have my own little office, I don't have my own little space, we're all exposed, nowhere to hide. I don't have a choice but to interact with people. It was a great adjustment for me, it took a lot of effort, really. I never thought I'd last this long, it's been three months.

To be honest, after my first two days here, I wanted not to comeback. I didn't think I could adjust, being around this many people everyday was just too much for me to handle. I had to smile all the time, argh!

But you know what? I'm glad I stayed for a little while longer, I'm still not an InDesign expert but I get the job done... eventually. Ha ha ha!!! And I sharpened my PR skills, it was hard work, even harder than my training but I cope, I've made friends, I couldn't be any happier. I don't suffer much from technology withdrawal anymore like I used to because I have enough socializing everyday. I just realized that I've been very busy for the last three years of my life living my life on the internet that's why I didn't mind not making friends and socializing in real life. I have no regrets, I've "met" wonderful, kind and generous people through the net, I hope to keep it that way. However, my blogging may not be as often as it used to be.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

... And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Those lines kept repeating in my head over and over again until my head hurt. Don't just lie there, fight! Wake up! I wanted to shout at him while he was in the ICU, being kept alive by machines.

He was strong, his strength was like a blessing and a curse for us. We feared him and yet we rely on him all our lives. He made troubles go away, he always mae us feel safe.
Seeing him lying there was heartbreaking, he was so quiet, so "dead."It's God's will, it's his time t o go, I told myself repeatedly just to make sense of what was happening. It all happened so fast, it felt like I was watching a movie. It was so real and yet everything's a blur.

He was a fighter, when he had his second stroke back in 2000, the doctors said he may not do the things he'd normally do but my father proved them wrong . He was a fighter. I was so sure he'd wake up, I was so sure he'll get through it. I know my father, he just wouldn't give up without a fight... but he didn't... he left us so quietly, so peacefully. We never had our goodbyes...

It was his time to go, it's God's will. I still say to myself, I believe it. It keeps me from crying all the time.

If I had to extend my time in the office I would make sure that I’d call up and check on my kids if they were okay, they’re usually fine… until last night, I had the shock of my life when my son, my beloved little son answered the phone telling me that he can’t walk, “Mom, I can't walk, my foot got stuck in the bike, huhuhu…” my heart bled. Just last week when we had to leave Balong all by himself in the house for an hour (believe me we had no choice), I nearly cried when he told me over the phone that he’s afraid the big bad wolf might come and eat him just like the wolf did to the pigs. So you can imagine the shock and hurt I felt when he told me he couldn’t walk. I wanted to fly home but I had to finish my deadlines! I am such a bad mother!

When I got home, he cried the minute he saw me walking towards him, he was sitting on the floor, he couldn’t stand up, his right ankle was wounded, swollen and bruised. He hugged me so tight, it felt like he didn't want to let go, he must have felt safe in my arms.

He could not sleep last night, he kept on crying, it was heartbreaking, there was nothing I could do, I can only look at him and hold his hand. So painful, it felt like I’ve been stabbed in the chest over and over again. I cried so many times, it’s so hard to watch your child suffer knowing that you can’t do anything to take the pain away. Even Gillian cried when he saw his brother limping like a wounded rabbit. My husband was holding back his tears, he was hurt, too, but he didn’t want to show it to his kids, I’m not sure if it was right, but he felt like he should be strong in front of them, I didn’t think it was right, to be honest, I think parents should also show what they’re feeling to their kids but I’ll deal with it later, Balong needs tender, loving, care right now. But if anything, I still feel thankful that it’s the only injury he suffered, it could’ve been much worse, my son is alive, he’s with us, safe in my arms.

Thank God!!!

I Heart Gary, I Really Do!

What a lovely, sexy song this is! "Some Surprise" by The Cake Sale featuring Gary Lightbody and Lisa Hannigan.

I heart Gary, I really do. *sigh*

He got to interview Dan Rather Not and Walter Cranky, so cute and so adorkable of him. I can't wait to watch it but it won't be shown until September of next year. (in the US not here, damn!)

What a bummer!

special thanks to storm0611 for the wonderful screencaps

This article (part of it) from Rolling Stones got me laughing so hard I nearly fell off my chair. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are the cover of their latest issue, here's a part of their interview:



Your show has thrived during the Bush administration. Will you miss it?

STEWART: I remember people used to say, "What are you gonna do when Clinton leaves?" And I'd say, "I'm really OK not having to make another intern blow-job joke in my life." And it'll be the same with these guys. I'd much prefer these guys to leave than to have to continue to make Lord Vader jokes about Cheney. I have great faith in institutional absurdity.

But wouldn't, say, a President Obama be harder to make fun of than these guys?

STEWART: Are you kidding?

COLBERT and STEWART in unison: His dad was a goat-herder!


If you're watching TDS regularly you'll know what I'm talking about. If not, you're missing a lot. Really!


If there's one thing I learned from the show, it's ... "In the old country, the most important thing was to keep the goats happy..."

Today
The sky is gray, stripped of all its color and life. The usually bright blue, yellow orange and even lavender sky that greets me every morning is hiding somewhere behind the gray and dark clouds.

Weeks Ago
I was floating in water not giving a damn where I’d end up, just floating carelessly, not a light in sight, just darkness. The sky was bursting with colors but I saw only black and gray.

Today
The sky is literally black and gray, it’s like watching them in a black and white TV but I see glorious colors in bright blue, orange and yellow, I feel hopeful and looking forward to the next day if God will still allow me to live and see it.

I’ve never felt more alive and thankful for this life. A life full of trials and suffering but trials and sufferings make life interesting, I know that now. I feel like a secret door in my heart’s been opened and now I see everything. I wish to God I keep this feeling with me forever, the feeling of hope.

From Howie to Rod

Last monday night, I stayed up late as in really, really late to watch TV. It's was holiday the following day so I didn't have to worry about waking up early. I even told my husband that I'd watch TV 'til 5 a.m. I was flipping channels when I chanced upon a local show, I-Witness, it's been ages since I last watched it so I thought I'd stay and wait on what they had to offer. The report/docu that evening or morning was about funny Filipino names, I thought it was interesting and something I can definitely relate to so I stayed and watched, oh, who am I kidding? I stayed and watched because of the presentor, Howie Severino.
???

Okay... I've got another confession to make, I used to watch Saksi because of Howie, his segment, Sidetrip, is the 2nd reason. He reminds me of Rod Nepomuceno. Well, they don't really look alike but in some strange way, Howie reminds me of Rod Who is Rod Nepomuceno you ask? Well, I used to have a major crush on him, until I discovered Anderson Cooper, of course. Come to think of it, I've forgotten everyone because of Anderson.

Rod is a lawyer and has a column on Philippine Star called It's A Wonderful Life and he is also the Corporate Affairs Director for MTV Philippines. But I knew Rod when he was still an anchor for a news program on channel 4, I was still in college then. I even went to the millennium celebration on Ayala Avenue not because I like to party but because Rod was hosting it, I wanted to see him upclose. I was heartbroken when he got married… NOT!

He's funny, smart and sweet, I e-mailed him one time about his article and he emailed me back! He told me he'd print my email, put it on a frame and hang it on his wall because of something I said to him. He's a good guy.

I can't believe I've forgotten all these little details in my past. It's feels so weird right now, all those memories are coming back, all these hidden somewhere in my brain were unlocked because of Howie.

Most of my friends knew of my Rod obsession but I don't think I told anyone about Howie, though. I don't even know why I'm so embarrassed to admit it. Hay naku!

i miss anderson :(