So, ok, I do realize that I'm a grown woman, I shouldn't be drooling over the TV so much everytime I see Anderson Cooper but I just can't help it. He's too cute for words. Even when he's sleeping.....yay! Don't you just want to snuggle next to him! *giggle*


Poor Andy, must be really, really exhausted. But I'm sure glad he's in a different shirt color, not that I'm complaining, I looooove him in blue shirts, all shades of it.

I first saw Anderson Cooper last January (shame, shame... where have I been hiding all these years?) I didn’t catch his name then, he was in Sri Lanka covering the South East Asian Tsunami. From the moment he talked, I couldn’t change the channel, I was glued.

He is so different, not a typical anchor/reporter, sometimes he talks too fast and he also stutters a lot. His reports and views are very heartfelt and personal. Maybe because he writes his own reports. Or maybe because he's seen his own share of tragedies in his life so he knows how to relate to them.Not just a talking head I guarantee, he reports with his heart on his sleeves, really!

And then I never saw him again...I even forgot all about him until last August... eversince the tsunami hit our neighboring countries I’ve become some sort of a news junkie, switching the channels from CNN, BBC to Channel News Asia like some crazy-mental person. And after 7 months of channel surfing... one saturday morning, there he was again on CNN! the prematurely grey-haired, blue-eyed, pale, skinny and insanely gorgeous anchor/reporter that I’ve gone completely silly for!

He was in Maradi, Niger in a makeshift hospital where children are literally starving and dying in plain sight. He really felt badly when the 2 of the 3 kids in the hospital that he visited died because of severe malnutrition...he was upset because these children will soon be forgotten, no one will ever know that they existed except for their parents. In time, their parents may no longer remember their faces, they may no longer remember how they laugh or smell like...only their names will remain.

I love watching his news program, because of his very different approach in reporting and I especially love his Reporter’s Notebook segments, this is where he expresses all his emotions. And his writings – almost poetic. And the best one he did so far is “The Trouble I’ve Seen.” This piece is very poignant and in a way showed how much he respected and loved his father.

When hurricane katrina hit some part of the gulf coast in the US, I was glued on CNN because I know Anderson will be there, I know this for a fact because he’s been reporting on every hurricane that hit the US eversince he joined CNN (I think). He must have a hurricane fetish or something. True enough, he was in Baton Rouge that day, CNNI hooked up with CNN US and I was watching my Anderson live!!! wahooo!!! Don’t get me wrong, my heart goes out to all the victims of Katrina, I don’t wish anybody or any place any harm but when it does, I’d be watching it on CNN with the hope of seeing my Anderson, of course. Katrina’s aftermath was so severe and so unbelievable, and to say that they were all shocked and stunned by what katrina did to the historic New Orleans is not an overstatement. I couldn’t help but thank God we don’t have hurricanes and tornadoes here in our country. Had katrina hit us, i’m sure it will take us forever to recover. Even America, a country of great resources and power was paralyzed for days before they got it together.

And when Andy lashed out on some senator for not answering questions that needed to be answered and thanking fellow politicians when she should be doing something to help the victims,(our politicians are not so different naman pala) man! I didn’t really think that I could love him more that I already do!!! I didn’t think it was possible. On that episode, he choked-up about 10 times before he finally looked to his side and cried as he signalled the camera to look away or something. Everyone who watched that episode was shocked, and gone crazy over him, I’m sure. How could you not love the guy! He’s sensitive, intelligent (he was "JEOPARDY!" champion, by the way) and all human.

With Andy around,watching the news suddenly became more interesting and meaningful ;) hahaha!!!

It must be the vinegar.

I don’t feel feel okay right now. I feel gloomy and sad – I can almost see dark clouds and thunderstorms following me everywhere I go.

I don’t understand why, I’m still trying to figure things out. I do remember waking up in a really good mood, then I started to remember things that happened the night before, my tummy still aches from the vinegar I drank (as in literally) from a chicken restaurant. Why I drank the vinegar? I’m not sure why, but I had to be distracted and I wanted to be busy, I wanted to eat the left-over chicken bones but I had to restrain myself, I wanted to pretend I wasn’t listening… But still, I thought I was prepared, for weeks I’ve been readying myself for the “presscon” but I guess what I heard that night, I wasn’t prepared. Things just happen, for a reason I guess.

As a Christian, I try so hard to walk on the path that God made for us, everyday is like a battle, I try to fight the “evil” in me. Everyday I try to do good, I try not to hate or curse someone, I try not to wish any harm to befall to someone even if this someone is really, really rude and I think that he/she deserves it, I try to see the good side of people instead of the bad, I could go on and on but the thing is…I’m human, we’re all human. We couldn’t help but to sin though I try not to it on purpose, we’re weak and fragile, that’s why we need God in our lives. I’m not saying that I’m a saint or righteous, but it doesn’t hurt if I try to be one. I try to serve God the best way I can but sometimes I fall, sometimes I stumble, I may even go a little astray…just a little. But I always try hard to stand again and walk on the path.

We all contend to do the right thing and be in control of our lives but the fact is we’re not, He is.
We must focus on moving on and holding on no matter how thin the thread is. Just concentrate on not letting go.

A lot of things have happened this August, my father collapsed due to internal bleeding, he was hospitalized , and since we’re only four in the family, I had to take two days off from my job – I almost resigned because they wouldn’t let me. He’s okay now…thank God, only…my sister and I are totally indebted to almost everyone we know. When we got the hospital bill, I felt like fainting, I looked around and saw everything in dizzying patterns. I’m not complaining, I’m just telling.

This one, really took me by surprise, nothing ever prepared me for this…an old man, I think he’s almost 80, whom I treated as a father proposed his undying love to me, saying that he’s been feeling that way for more than five years now! He told me that whilst my father was in critical condition and I thought the proposal was worst, it turns out, the worst was he actually thought I was willing to run away with him!!! Hmmm…I thought I heard The Corrs singing…”I will runaway with you…” What did I do? I told my husband of course, and what did I get from it? Nothing! he laughed and mocked me! Embarrassing, really. To tell you honestly, I was monumentally afraid to go out of the house, I had to take my kids with me whenever I have to go out, I really felt like I was being stalked!

Akala ko naman ang ganda-ganda ko! Kainis!!!

p.s.
I can’t find the Itals button! pasensya na. Bloody Macintosh!!!

Ang Agila...bow!

I attended my son's first school program the other day – I didn't want to come to tell you the truth but as a mother it's my duty to support and attend every school activity or program they have, and I don't want them to look like orphans! Although I'm not sure if Dylan really knows what he's doing, he dutifully recites his line every night before sleeping! The kid's been practising and memorizing his two sentence acrostic line for three weeks, he's really serious about it. You should've seen him practice, it's hilarious!

I remember so clearly how I felt when I first attended a school program two years ago when my daughter was in kinder 1 (she's now in grade 1), as usual I went there because I have to but still I couln't hide my excitement to see my daughter reciting and dancing on stage.

Now, I'm back to the same school, sitting and watching the same program the school prepared year after year, I pretty much knew what to expect – the parade, the acrostic (in which my son has a line), the dance number, the contest and everything. I can't say that I'm excited at all but somehow I found myself almost crying when I saw my son on stage reciting his line about the Philippine eagle.

Damn! I wished I brought my camera!

How can you not love them?

I find it so hard to talk to my daughter these days, and she’s only 6 years old! Everytime she says something, I need to decode it. About a year ago, when she was

starting to learn how to spell words, a typical conversation in our
house would be like this:

Gillian: Nanay, can we have H-O-T-D-O-G for B-R-E-K-F-A-S-T?
Me: Sure, anak. Pero B-R-E-A-K-F-A-S-T yun.

Gillian: Nanay, sabi ni T-E-A-C-H-E-R bring daw kami ng M-A-N-I-L-A P-A-P-E-R sa S-C-H-O-O-L T-O-M-O-R-R-O-W.
Me: Sige, pero sleep ka na.
Gillian: O-K-A-Y.

Now that she’s in grade one, she’s taking it a notch higher, she’s now talking backwards. She now talks like this:

Gillian: Nanay, gagawa daw kami ng glaf sa school para sa margorp next keew.
Me: What!?

Gillian: Sakal naman ng nalu!
Me: Ano!

Gillian: Yannan, where’s the etomer?
Me: Ano daw? Tony, kausapin mo nga anak mo!

How can you not enjoy motherhood? I only wish somebody told me that things like this will happen. I wonder what she’s gonna do next year?

And about my Balong, well, he’s not too crazy about school, he lives for the weekend, may pinagmanahan. I’m a little worried about him, though. He looks normal but I think something is wrong with him. I suspect he is dyslexic, how else can you explain his disability to write? Baka nahihirapan yun bata? It’s okay, I told myself. A lot of successful people are dyslexic, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem naman siguro. Tom Cruise is dyslexic, i-compare talaga kay Tom, of all people. Even Anderson Cooper had a mild form of dyslexia. But then again, I can be too paranoid sometimes. OA lang siguro ako. He can write his name but he doesn’t write like Gillian. My friends keep telling me not to compare him to Gillian, but I can’t help it.

All he does is draw, he loves drawing and coloring. And he loves me, I’m still the only girl in his life and I so enjoy it. Although, just last week, he told me something that still brings smile to my face everytime I am reminded of it, he said "Nanay, mahal ko na sya, ok lang?" referring to Kitchie Nadal, we were watching her "Same Ground" video at the time. "Yes anak, it’s ok," I told him. I’m not worried, I’m sure he’ll get over her. I don’t really think Kitchie is a competition, I am my son’s only girl, or at least for now.

Feeling Blue

IT ALL CAME DOWN TO RETRENCHMENT. It was inevitable the management said (feeling a bit "Carnivale"-ish).
We had a meeting in the office yesterday and we were told that some people will be voted out (feeling reality tv). Some people had to be sacrificed for the greater good. Yeah, right!
Although I was half-sure that I won’t be voted out because voting me out wasn’t gonna help the company. I’m the only person left in our department! For crying out loud! I’m still standing… for how long? I don’t know.
I still get to keep my job but I’m upset nevertheless.
I couldn’t help but think what if it happened to me, I don’t have anything to fall back on, only the loving arms of my family – and their love and support won’t pay the bills! My kids will only be too thrilled to finally have me in their lives 24/7. But I wonder if they would still be happy to be with me if I won’t be able to buy them their "Happy Meals" and ice creams? How long will it take me to control myself before I hit them so they will stop pestering me. Will I be able contain myself and not let them see me cry when that happens? Life is so hard. We all need money to survive – that’s the sad truth.
I’m not myself today. I’m bitter and jaded. I hate it.

In God’s Time

I think I might have to find me a new job!
My current office has become my comfort zone and I have become too comfortable for my own good! I’ve been planning to find a new company to work for since last year…but laziness got the better of me.
But is it really laziness? (I think I’ve fallen in love with my MAC G4, I can’t leave my Mac! feeling akin talaga?)

When I resigned from my previous employer…I wasn’t really looking for a new job, well, I was looking but not seriously, I mean, I was serious but…I can’t really explain… this job that I have now, it sort of like fell on my lap, I prayed for a new job (mahigit isang taon din yun ah) and God gave it to me, though not immediately, but still, He gave what I asked for.
Six years ago, I was a stay-at-home mom, I was eager to go back to work but I was also hesitant because I wasn’t sure if I were competent enough to be part of the work force again. I went crazy, the whole time I was at home, sure, I was playing mommy to my kids…I pretended to be sane whenever I was with them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids with all my heart and I really enjoy being with them but something inside of me was crying for help. I felt depressed. I was angry for no reason. I was always crying for no reason. I was silently screaming at the top of my lungs!
My husband couldn’t understand me. How could he? When I, myself, couldn’t understand me.
I became bestfriends with Oprah and Dr. Phil at the time, because of "Oprah" I had reasons to cry. Do you remember that time (around 1999) when Oprah was already really BIG in America and she said that she won’t be featuring celebrities on her shows because she didn’t really need the ratings anymore? Instead she’d be featuring themes that would promote self healing and forgiving people that hurt you and other stuff like that, well, that was the time when she became my bestfriend. I watched her show every 1 pm on weekdays, faithfully. True enough, I learned ways to deal with the anger and frustrations I had in me. But mostly, it was post-partum depression that I suffered, the frustrations and anger came in as a result of my depression. I still consider her my bestfriend, mind you.
Anyway…what I really want to say is that, I got a call one day from a friend of mine, she asked me if I wanted to work again, "Heck YES!" I said. That was it, I was working since then. It was what I needed, I needed to feel productive again, I wanted to help my husband financially. God helped me, He knows what I needed and He gave it to me exactly when I needed it.
So, now, I’m like, waiting for it to happen again, I’m still looking for a job, sure, but I guess I am waiting for God to make it happen. I know He will give me a new job, not just now…I know he will… someday. In His time, not mine.

My (not so) Secret Life as a Tutor

For about a month now I’ve been spending my weekends in Bel-Air, Makati. I am now a part-time tutor, instead of spending my weekends with my kids…I am hanging out with a Korean girl from International School. What a bad mother my kids must think of me!
I really didn’t want to accept this tutoring job, I cancelled our meeting 3 times, hoping that she’ll get mad and finally decide that I am not what she’s looking for. I told her that I don’t do freehand drawings anymore and I’m too busy with my work, but the truth was I wasn’t really sure if I could still draw. It’s been more than 8 years since I last drew something that I could be proud of and I’m not sure if I could squeeze her in my schedule – with my motherly duties and all.
But she won’t leave me alone!
So, I agreed to meet her at last, I took Frauline with me, of course. She really could come in handy just in case the Korean girl turns out to be a spoiled brat or something worst. Frauline could easily make anyone laugh. So, anyway, the Korean girl turned out to be a very cute and sweet girl. Frauline mentioned that she looked like Sandara Parks, I agreed with her although I didn’t know who Sandara Parks was. She still insisted that I tutor her, I told her that I really can’t but I will find her another "teacher", I was thinking of Jess at the time, but he was in Cebu. So I didn’t really have a choice but to take the tutoring job. I also got Frauline as a substitute tutor whenever I am not available. Instead of one she got two tutors instead.
Then she told us about the drawings that she needed, she needed 3 drawings, a bicycle, an interior or exterior environment and anything of her choice. She said she needed those drawings as a requirement for a school in New York. WHAT!!! Did I hear it right? Did she really say New York? Suddenly, I thought about Anderson Cooper, he lives in New York and works for CNN New York and this Korean girl is going to New York, wow! do you see the connection here?
My planned 15-minute meeting with
her extended to almost 2 hours, I eventually told her that I am crushing on
some anchor/reporter named Anderson Cooper from CNN NY, but she doesn’t know him so I took out his picture from
my bag (may picture talaga?) and showed her. "Yeah, I know him!" she said. Hay, salamat!
We ended up laughing and giggling like high
school girls…wait a minute, she is in highschool, we’re not. I even
half-jokingly asked her to go all stalker-ish on Cooper when she gets
to New York. "I’ll try." she said.
Thinking back, she must think I’m nuts.
"When do you want us to start?" I asked her with a straight face cause I didn’t want to reveal the wicked thoughts inside my head (this girl could be my ticket to NY). "Right away." she said. That’s my story, that’s how I ended up being a tutor and staying my weekends with her.
It’s been a fun ride eversince, Frauline and I would go to Starbucks in Rockwell every weekend and wait for her driver to pick us up. Frauline and I feel like we’re in college again, beating school project deadlines, buying magazines and other art materials ( I carry my sketch pad with me everywhere I go nowadays), talking silly, laugh all afternoon and teaching the kid filipino lessons for free.
Oh and that part about her, being my ticket to NY… just kidding folks! Just one of my delusions.

Japanese Story

i’ve seen quite a lot of movies with toni collette in it and i think she’s a brilliant actress, but last sunday when i watched the Japanese Story…i became a fan!

i’ve seen the movie about two sundays ago and i still can’t stop thinking about it, and it isn’t because i liked the story but because it was so real and painful. i like happy endings so this movie will not be on my favorite lists but i will never forget this movie because of the emotions i felt while watching it.

the story took place in the pilbara desert, they spent the night in the freezing desert when their vehicle was stuck on red sand. it’s where they emerged as a couple eventhough they didn’t speak each other’s language. i won’t say anything else, i don’t wanna be a spoiler! but this i tell you… the movie is unpredictable and hard-edged, beautiful even. i love this movie!