Of Hospitalization and Realization

When I was told it will be just a minor surgery I thought there'd be no dextrose and skin test involved...was I wrong! 

I didn't bother to ask or google, I went there on the day of my schedule and "surrendered" myself, I told my kids to wait for me at the waiting area and went in the delivery room. My son waited for me for 6 hours, I had to be fully functional before they let me go. My daughter had to go to school so she left early.

I hate needles! I've been pierced so many times before and I still don't get used to it. But it was necessary they said. For a 15-minute procedure the preparation was too elaborate in my opinion. To make matters worst a skin test had to be done also. That made me cry. 

After all those preparation, they finally took me inside the operating room. I was tied up, arms and legs. While they were tying me up my eyes were fixed to the big clock on the left side of the white wall. I kept thinking what doctors on the movie would say, "time of death". So that's why they have big clocks in the operating room, I thought to myself. 

When the anesthesiologist said that it was time for me to go to sleep, I instinctively looked at the clock, it was 12:25 pm. The medication was very painful, it felt hot, I complained if it was supposed to be painful. The doctor said yes and then I was gone. The next thing I remember was being awoken by the nurse telling me that the operation was over and they were going to transfer me to the recovery room. I looked at the clock it was 12:40 pm. And then I fell back to sleep again. It was like that for the next 4 hours, falling in and out of sleep. I'd ask for my son in my every waking state. He must be hungry, I thought. He'd never eat without me.

When I finally came around, the nurse called my son to see me and I saw a big sigh of relief in his face, I said I was sorry it took me so long to recover and I was so worried about him. He said it was no big deal.

One thing I realized is that my son can take of himself, I was pleasantly surprised to know that he took care of the hospital billings. He did what he was told to do.  And he did it right. My son is 15, he's not a little helpless boy anymore he can take care of himself, I have to remind myself that. 

This...

…deserves a separate post. We came up to Uncle Toni and asked to be photographed with him, we thought he’d be a little pissed because he was talking with someone at the time. We didn’t mean to be rude but we only had a little more than 10 seconds of break time to accomplish our plan but he smiled and gladly posed for the camera.  I planned of putting my arms around him (feeling close) but instead he put his arms around me!!! Yay! He had warm hands. I giggled a bit… okay, A LOT. Ha-ha-ha!

 

Rafa Was Here!

Growing up inside Camp Aguinaldo made me believe that there were only three sports – golf, tennis and basketball.

Golf because I thought at the time the whole Camp Aguinaldo was a golf course, I mean, each morning I’d pick up a few golf balls inside our backyard.

Tennis because every playground in the camp has a tennis court. I remember picking up a racquet back in the day and imitating Martina Navratilova or John McEnroe. That’s how my love for tennis began.

Basketball because my father loved it (I hate it). I’m not a fan of team sports.

Anyway, this is where I’m really getting at, ever since Rafael Nadal became a professional tennis player my love for tennis increased ten folds. I love the way spins the ball, I love the way air pumps every time he hits a winner. The intensity he brought to the game is just unbelievable. I’ve always dreamed of watching him live. I didn’t know how but I thought to myself maybe if I saved enough money I could go to Melbourne and watch him there. The land down under is the nearest grand slam country I could go to.

But as it turned out I didn't have to leave the country after all, last December 7, 2015 that dream came true, Rafael Nadal came to here via the IPTL Manila. I could not sleep days before the event, it all felt surreal. I mean, words couldn’t describe how I felt. I wanted to scream and I did. Almost fainted, thank God I did not. I took pictures, lots of them, mostly crappy but they were my shots, still proud of it. I came near him, like, three feet away. Close enough to touch but I dared not. Mostly, I screamed and took pictures that’s all I remember.

   

To tell the truth, I don’t like taking pictures with celebrities, it just didn’t interest me but this time I wanted a picture with Rafa I knew it was impossible so my friend and made a plan to take a picture with the next best thing, Uncle Toni Nadal!

 

Alone Time

We're off to my brother in law's wedding, it's a long way from Manila, 2 hours I'm guessing. I've never had this much time thinking until now. So this is what's missing, an alone time to think. That is why I can't write as much as I want to, never had the chance to be alone with my thoughts. 

Anyway, I'm in a car with my most of my husband's family and I am feeling disconnected. Never been good with strangers all my life. I wonder what's going to happen at the reception later. 

Sherlock 4

Finally! Sherlock has an air date. Hard to believe two years had passed. He's back into my life, sweet days are coming my way. 😍

On Being Brave Part 2

The photoshoot had been scheduled. Invites had been sent. I had to ping him twice before he finally came down to the set. He was too busy, he said.

My heart was pounding the whole time I was waiting for him. I told you it's a schoolgirl kind of crush. I was trying to calm myself, I didn't want him to notice anything, and it’s embarrassing as it was already. When he finally came, the photographer immediately got up and turned on the lights, he, came to me and asked if he was wearing the right coat to which I replied it was fine. I can tell he was trying to lighten up the mood. Two of my officemates whispered that I should approach him and fix his collar, I didn't.

Anyway, the shoot went well, I was seated the whole time, paralyzed more like. I wish I could recall more of what happened, he came, he posed, I turned into a statue, he left.

On Being Brave

A few days ago I decided to be brave.

I decided to send the email my officemate had been begging me to send. What's the email for? It's for a manager that I needed to shoot for a teaser ad campaign in the office. Why can't I press send? Because I have, like, a schoolgirl kind of crush on him. Yeah that's right! I'm quite ashamed to admit it really but it is what it is. I'm too old for that, I know.
I attended an onboarding orientation in the office two years ago, wait, I think I can remember the date, it was May 6, 2016. I was about to fall asleep when he came in. Tall, lean, and confident. He talked a little funny, at the time though, I thought he was drunk or something or maybe I was just too sleepy. But one this was certain that day, I found myself an office crush. He talked about finances, I pretended I understood. Now, if only he’d look my way… he didn’t.

We worked on different floors so I rarely see him and when I do I instantly get reduced to a shy little girl, blushing and all. I couldn't keep my heart still when he's around, it felt like my heart's about to leap out of my chest. It felt terrible really. It’s been like that for two years. Nothing serious.

Fast forward to two weeks ago and the email that couldn't be sent. When I finally sent it I thought I'd feel a sigh of relief, I thought that was the end of it. I forgot I needed a reply from him. I was not able to sleep that night, silly me, losing sleep over an email. In the morning, I nervously opened my email and saw a reply! I saw his name on my inbox, it felt like a good day. I opened the mail, read his reply and realized I wasn't important. "Noted." Was all he said. Gosh! I never thought an innocent word like that would feel like an arrow through the heart. He didn't even type my name. I hated him! Yuck!

Liking someone is a messy business... it can either make or break your day… a nice reply would've made my day that day.

Things Are Looking Up...

I'm feeling way better now, thank God! Turns out I was having a bit of a burnout matched with some domestic problems. Daughter problem mostly. I just can't seem to get use to her attitude towards me. No matter what I do we just always clash. Maybe we're too much alike...I don't know.

Anyway, Game of Thrones got me going, it made me long for next week and the next... And then Jon Snow died! 

I'm still not over it, I'm still looking, reading for clues that he just might still ne alive. 

Things are better in the office too. I have this project that I rather find enjoyable. Very stressful but I'm loving it. 

Boyhood

12 years, that's how long it took Richard Linklater to finish Boyhood and the end product is amazing. Linklater is a genius. Every year he assembles his actors to shoot the scenes, I mean, how awesome and patient is that. I loved him with his Before series but this film made me loved him even more. Thank goodness he got Ethan Hawke to play Mason Sr., he lit up the room in every scene, so to speak. Again, this movie is actionless and villainless. It's the story of all of us. It's boring at times but that's real life. This film perfectly captured the normalcy of everyday life. Everyone is relatable.

It started when Mason Jr. was 5, a very cute and lively little boy and ended when he's 18, he's in college and he turned into a lanky, awkward teenager. Trying to find his way into the world and realizing that everyone is just as lost as everyone else. Nobody really knows what we're doing here, we're all trying and failing at some point in our lives. Just like the rest of us.

Ethan Hawke is brilliant at playing the cool irresponsible but very charming father. I'm so glad Ethan is in this movie, a Richard Linklater movie is not complete without Ethan or Julie Delpy, at least in my mind. I watched Before Sunrise when I was in my early 20s and I grew old with them, in that way, the Before series are very relatable.
It feels wrong to classify this film in the coming of age genre now or maybe every coming of age film before this movie should be put in another category. I don't know.